Aria’s eyes turned to Violet, swallowing hard. “I keep seeing blood and dead eyes.”
Something inside my chest tightened.
“I’m sorry you saw that,” Violet whispered. “I shouldn’t have ever taken you there.”
“It’s not your fault,” Aria muttered.
“It’s not your papa’s fault either.” Violet defended me, although I wasn’t quite sure if I deserved it.
It was then that my daughter noticed me and she looked at me. It wasn’t the same way, though. This look was of my daughter trying to reconcile the man who braided her hair and painted her nails with the man who was able to kill.
“I love you, Aria,” I rasped, fighting the urge to go to her. “That will never change. I should apologize, but I would do it again to keep you safe, so it would make a hypocrite out of me.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I love you too, Papa.”
I crossed the room then and crouched in front of her bed and hugged her tightly. I didn’t want her looking up at me tonight. I already felt monstrous enough.
“I’m so sorry you had to see that.” My voice cracked. “When I was young,” I said slowly, “younger than you, violence was all I learned and knew. It was how problems got solved. Someone threatens your family, your territory, your life and you destroy them before they destroy you.”
Aria listened without interrupting.
“Then I had Dimitros and you,” I continued. “I swore I’d keep your innocence intact for as long as I could and today I failed at that.”
Aria shook her head. “You didn’t, Papa.”
I let out a sardonic breath. “Oh, I failed spectacularly. A better father would have never allowed you to see today’s violence. Especially after Amara.”
“You’re a good father, Papa. The best one.”
I held her gaze, searching for truth in her eyes and finding it. As long as she believed that, it was all that mattered to me.
“I’m not, but I’ll try to be better,” I vowed. “You and Dimitros deserve the world and happiness, and I’ll be sure you both get it. Yes, I have to be violent to protect you, but at the very least, I’ll keep you out of it.”
Aria frowned slightly. “Not Dimitros?”
I straightened, pinching the bridge of my nose. “He will lead this family one day. I’m afraid he won’t have the luxury of being away from it.”
And then there was the fact that he didn’t want to stay out of it. He needed an outlet and this way of life provided it for him.
“You know what I don’t understand?” Aria asked, her gaze darting between Violet and me. “You never yell at me and Dimitros.”
God, that nearly broke me.
“Because I have the best children in the world. Why would I yell at you?” My voice came out rough. “Besides, none of this was ever supposed to touch you and it’s my job to provide you safety. To protect you.”
Her eyes dropped to my bruised knuckles and split skin on my hand. She never seemed to notice it before, but today was the exception. Today, she saw me for who I was.
“Thisiswho you are,” she whispered.
“Yes.”
“It’s scary,” Aria admitted.
My jaw tightened instinctively, but I nodded once, acknowledging her fear. God knows it was justified.
Violet reached over then and gently smoothed a hand over Aria’s hair. She was still learning this new role in her life and trying to figure out what it meant now that the truth finally came out.
Aria leaned into her touch without thinking and I saw the exact moment it hit Violet in her soft expression and the way sheinhaled a sharp breath. Motherhood reclaimed space between them, the way it should’ve years ago.
