The man I’d always loved.
And in that moment, I realized there was no point in worrying that I would lose my heart to him. Because I accepted the truth: that I already had. A long, long time ago.
Ford
Chapter 21
I, Ford Malone, was not a cuddler. Never had been. Not even with Claudia, after all our years together, though she hadn’t been especially cuddly either.
But for the first time in my rich, varied, and satisfying sexual history, I found myself lingering after the act. Usually, once I’d finished, I was out of the bed, out of my partner’s arms and in the bathroom. Getting rid of the condom and planning my escape route—either right out the door or at least out of the room.
So it surprised me that after fucking Emzee, I stayed in the bed way longer than I was accustomed to. Even if it was only a few minutes afterward. Not my usual MO at all.
The sex had been incredible. She’d been so hot and so incredibly tight that it had taken almost all my energy and focus not to come the moment I was inside her. She had felt so good, still felt so good, that I was reluctant to remove myself from her arms.
I could still hear the sharp gasps of pleasure she’d made as she came on my cock, her whole body tightening around me in the most unimaginable bliss. I knew if I kept thinking about it, I’d get hard again.
Truthfully, I hadn’t been expecting our chemistry to be so out of control.
Emzee’s head was still resting on my chest, one of her thighs thrown casually across my hips. It felt good. Almost like she belonged there. But I couldn’t afford to think like that.
Slowly I pulled away, half expecting her to continue clinging to me, but she didn’t. Mumbling something in a half-asleep daze, she rolled over in the bed, in all her gorgeous, naked glory. She was the very picture of a woman satisfied.
I felt a twinge of guilt for sneaking away, which, of course, was ridiculous. The last thing I needed was for her to get even more emotionally tangled up with me. I knew it was inevitable to a certain extent, what with our upcoming fake marriage—and especially after having sex—but I didn’t want to encourage it. She’d get the picture soon enough.
“Where you going?” she asked, apparently awake enough to realize I was heading for the door.
“Bathroom,” I said, easing the door shut slowly enough to catch her waving a dreamy hand before letting it fall back onto the bed, as if it had taken her last bit of energy to do so.
I felt a swelling of masculine pride as I headed down the hall to wash up and get rid of the condom. It wasn’t until I turned the bathroom light on that I noticed the blood. Not a lot, just a small smear on the condom.
I stared at it for a moment. It wasn’t enough blood for a period, I knew that. Instead, it was just enough…
Shit.
Emzee had been a virgin.
I’d just taken that from her.
She hadgivenit to me.
I got rid of the condom and leaned against the sink, my thoughts spinning.
Sure, I’d known that she was a little inexperienced when it came to long-term relationships and the level of intimacy that entailed…but I hadneverimagined that she was a virgin. Of course, now that I took a moment to think about it, it made perfect sense. Emzee had never had a boyfriend in high school, not with all the bullying she’d gone through, and although she had started dating once she went away to college, it had never been anything serious.
In fact, all of her relationships had really been more like…flings. Not just in terms of how long they lasted (or didn’t last, actually), but in the way she talked about the guys, as if she was happy enough to have a little fun with them, but only up to a certain point. Maybe the point where they wanted to go all the way, and she decided they weren’t good enough.
And no wonder. She had a bad habit of choosing real losers.
She also had never struck me as the kind of girl who would usually engage in no-strings-attached sex, so it made sense that she had waited. In a way, I was glad her first time had been with me.
Still, this changed things. It had probably just made our whole situation a lot more complicated, but it couldn’t be taken back now. We’d just have to deal with the consequences.
All of a sudden, everything felt different. The sex felt…meaningful. And I felt some kind of way about the cuddling, too. I couldn’t quite define it, but there had been meaning in the afterglow, too. I’d wanted to hold on to her. Let her hold on to me.
It wasn’t anything I’d ever felt with Claudia. Even when things had been at their best between us, when we’d found our stride as a couple a few years back, I had never felt close to Claudia the way that I felt—had always felt—close to Emzee. Because Emzee and I were friends. Or at least, that’s what I had always chalked it up to.
But now everything had been cast in a new light. I realized I’d neverconnectedto Claudia during sex the way I just had with Em. Never even felt the slightest impulse to cuddle, let alone actually instigate or allow it. Fucking Claudia had been hot and fulfilling, of course, and I’d certainly made sure that she’d enjoyed herself—but for us, the act had always felt more like checking a box. Meeting a need, whether physical or emotional. It hadn’t felt like it really meant anything. It was just another activity we were committed to taking part in as a team.
