“I know,” I told him. “You’re ready for your walk. Just a few more minutes. And then you’re going to the doggie spa. I’ve got a brutal day ahead of me, and I need you out of my hair.”
I gave him a scritch and hoisted myself to my feet, all but tossing myself into the shower, letting the cool water refresh me.
After I got dressed, I put Munchkin in his harness and we took a brisk walk to the subway. By the time we got off in Manhattan, I felt a lot better. After I dropped him off at the pet spa a few blocks from work, I arrived at thelookingglassoffices just in time for the start of the day. Out of breath, I settled myself at my desk, relieved that I’d managed to pull it together.
I booted up my computer to get started, feeling energized and ready to rock.
My productivity lasted all of five minutes before my cell phone rang.
I glanced at the screen, intending to send it to voicemail, but my stomach dropped when I saw that it was Emma. Dammit, I had to pick up. I’d been ducking her calls for weeks now, but I knew that See Yourself couldn’t function without its executive director, and that the executive director couldn’t run the non-profit when she had no clue what was going on.
“I’m so sorry,” I said when I picked up. “Everything’s been crazy here.”
“I’m just glad I finally got ahold of you,” she said, but there was tension in her voice.
I couldn’t blame her. I’d been avoiding her ever since I’d skipped town, leaving her in charge of See Yourself while I tried to escape into my new life in New York. She deserved an explanation, but I didn’t want to involve her in my personal drama, and I couldn’t bear the thought of talking about my divorce—or my pregnancy—to anyone.
At the same time, it was no excuse. I’d left her high and dry right after the charity’s hugely successful fundraiser at the Four Seasons. My timing had been shit. With all the good PR we’d gotten and all the donations we’d raised, it was exactly when See Yourself needed a strong leader the most. I’d messed up badly, and now I was going to have to fix it. Somehow.
“Am I to assume that I’m cancelling all your photography classes and one-on-ones with your mentees?” Emma asked dryly. “Or that the fundraiser was such a wild success that we can just fly the women out to New York now?”
There was a tart sarcasm in her voice, but I had earned it.
“No,” I said quietly, leaving my cubicle to go hide in a more private corner of the office. “That’s not the plan.”
“Then did you have a replacement in mind?” she asked. “What do you want me to do? I’m getting calls and emails daily, and all I can tell anyone is that there’s been a family emergency that’s come up with you, because I can’t very well admit that you’ve ghosted the entire charity.”
“You’re right. I put you in a terrible position. You have every right to be frustrated and upset with me,” I said, trying to keep my voice from wobbling.
I could hardly hold back my guilty tears. I was beyond overwhelmed with everything that had happened in the last month, from leaving my family and moving to New York, to the pregnancy and the surging hormones and nausea, to Ford’s now-constant presence and last night’s ill-advised fuck session. I could barely keep it together as I tried to soothe Emma.
“I’m not upset with you,” she said, sighing. “I’m just worried, and stressed. And yeah, frustrated. This isn’t like you. Plus I have no idea what I’m doing here. I’m panicking.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, grateful for the note of understanding in her tone. “I promise I haven’t ghosted. I actuallyamdealing with some family issues, but I haven’t abandoned you or my principles or anything like that.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. “Because I heard that you started a fancy new job out there, so it’s hard not to think you’re just focusing all your time and attention on that now. The organization can’t run itself. I wish it could, but it doesn’t work like that.”
“I know. And yes, I do have a new job,” I told her. “But I assure you, that’s not the reason I’ve been unavailable. Why don’t we go over everything that’s on your plate? That way I can have a full plan of action ready to email you by tomorrow.”
Even though the thought of “tomorrow” made my stomach clench with dry heaves all over again, because I still hadn’t gotten any headway on my to-do list for the magazine. Meaning I wouldn’t be sleeping tonight, since I’d have to write up the document for Emma after I clocked out of work, and then it’d be morning and I’d be taking up residence next to the toilet.
After going over everything that See Yourself needed, I was in the process of trying to get Emma off the phone when I got another call. Using it as an excuse to say goodbye, I clicked over—but God, I really,reallyshould have let it go to voicemail, because I suddenly had to deal with Mrs. Malone. Someone I had absolutely no time or energy to speak to, even on a good day.
“Why is my son living in New York?” she practically screeched in my ear. “And why the hell hasn’t he signed those divorce papers yet?”
For a moment I debated just hanging up on her and hitting decline when she called back…but I knew I couldn’t. The next thing I knew, she’d probably show up at my door, or worse—at my job. I might as well just talk to her now and get it over with.
“I can’t answer that for him,” I told her, exasperated. “I’m just as confused as you are.”
“You’re responsible for this somehow. I know you are. We had a deal, Mara.”
“I know,” I said. “And believe me, I’m doing everything I can to follow through with that deal. But I can’t control Ford. He found me on his own and moved here on his own. I didn’t tell him where I was—I was just as surprised as you were to find out he moved here.”
“You always were a sneaky little girl, getting your talons in our boy.”
I was glad she couldn’t see my eye roll.
“Regardless of what you think is going on, this isall Ford,” I said. “I’ve told him in as many ways as I can that we’re over, that the marriage is done.”
