I hope I didn’t just lie to my sister. But all of this is my fault, and I have to make it right.
I married Dante to save my family, but it looks like I may have set the stage for destroying them. I take my sister’s hand in my own.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” I assure her.
How many times can I keep saying that before I stop believing it’s true?
10
Frankie
My little sisterglances over at me for the millionth time but doesn’t say anything. I know something’s up. She’s been fiddling with the strap on her backpack for the last half hour.
I borrowed Charlie’s car this morning to take Livvie back home so she can visit the Abbott stables and take care of the horses. After that, she’ll catch the bus for school. Livvie promised she’d stay under the radar, but I’m still worried about her. Dad isn’t usually up this early, though, and she won’t need to go into the house—so she should be fine. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself as we make the drive from Nob Hill down to Napa.
When I turn onto our old street, I tell her, “I’ll be back to pick you up tonight around dinnertime. Make sure all your work is done by seven, okay?”
She doesn’t agree.
“Livvie?” I prod.
“Actually, um, I was thinking,” she says haltingly. “Maybe I should just…stay over at the house tonight? I mean, I can sleep in the old stable master’s quarters. Dad never goes in there. He won’t even know.”
“Hell no,” I reply.
She sighs. “But it’s ridiculous for you and Charlie to be driving all the way here every morning and night. That’s like, three plus hours round trip. It must be costing a fortune in gas.”
“No.” I’m resolute. “I’m sorry, and I know it sucks, but please trust me on this.”
“What if something happens to one of the horses?”
“The Alvarezes stop by to check on them every night,” I remind her gently. “I don’t blame you for being worried, but the horses are in good hands. I promise. This is what’s best.”
My sister is quiet for a moment. “Why are we doing this? Is Dad getting…dangerous again?”
And there it is. The insight into our messed-up lives that I wish my baby sister didn’t have. Charlie and I have tried so hard to protect Livvie, but it’s foolish to think we can keep anything from her. Even though nobody her age should have to worry about their parent becoming violent or getting involved in shady deals, trying to hide things from her doesn’t make them go away. Besides, she’s too smart for that. Nothing gets past her.
I grip the wheel tighter and clench my jaw. I might not be able to lie to Livvie, but I don’t want to upset her further, so I just nod and don’t elaborate.
Her warm hand covers mine. “I’ll be ready by seven on the dot. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing that has happened is your fault. We just want to make sure you’re safe. And the horses too.”
We’re at the mailbox now, so I turn off the headlights and drive slowly down the packed dirt of the driveway in the cool blue pre-dawn. The grass is overgrown, there’s some trash scattered in the ditch along the driveway. My heart sinks to see these two subtle signs that things are falling apart again.
Livvie unbuckles her seat belt as we pull up to the stables. Giving me a long look, she hoists her backpack on her shoulder and then gets out. I watch her go, waiting for the light to turn on inside before I roll back up the drive.
My middle is clenching with anxiety. I hate leaving her here, but I want her to have some normalcy too. But something else has been bothering me, so I don’t immediately turn back onto the street again. Instead, I park near the road and turn the car off. My anxiety goes into overdrive at the thought of what I’m about to attempt.
I shouldn’t have the urge to vomit over entering my childhood home, but I do.
Making my way toward the house, I walk as quietly as possible over the dewy grass. The sky is beginning to lighten as the sun comes up, so I know I have to be quick and silent. I’d rather not get caught sneaking around the house in broad daylight.
Carefully, I use my old key to unlock the door to the mudroom, wiping my sandals off carefully on the mat. Then I stand there for a good ten seconds, listening hard for any sounds or signs of my father. The air is free of the scent of coffee. All the lights are out. It’s now or never.
I pad down the hall toward my dad’s office, caution in every step, knowing full well that this is a really, really bad idea. But it’s probably my only chance to get what I need and get out. Thank the gods, my dad left his office unlocked. I creep inside and close the door behind me, raking my eyes over the filing cabinet. My heart is pounding so hard, I can feel it in my chest. But I only need one thing, and I’m pretty sure I know where to find it. Assuming my father hasn’t made a mess of things since the last time I was here.
Holding my breath, I yank open the third drawer from the top. There, filed away in the far back, are the documents relating to my marriage. I pull the entire file out and flip through the paperwork until I find a copy of the marriage contract that Dante and I had to sign. I slip it out and quietly replace the file, then fold the contract into thirds before tucking it into my waistband.
