“Oh, Frankie.” She takes my hands in hers and runs her thumbs over my knuckles.
Another wave of tears hits me, and she gets up and returns with a box of tissues. I grab a handful to blot my eyes and my mom sits down next to me again.
“This all must be terrifying for you. But you’re not alone, sweetie. Even though I couldn’t be there for you while you were growing up, I willalwaysbe here for you and this baby now.”
I nod as I stroke the dog’s fur, so emotionally raw that I can’t form a proper response.
“And I’m sorry about your marriage, Frankie. I never thought your father would do something like this to you.”
A flash of anger hits me, and I huff a sarcastic laugh. “How could you? You had no idea what was going on at home after you walked out.”
“I know. I let you and your sisters down, and I am sorry. But it wasn’t like you think.”
“How was it, then?” I ask, no malice in my voice—just curiosity. I’ve always wanted answers about why she left, and today might be the day I finally get them.
“He blackmailed me, Frankie. I didn’t want to leave, but…I had no choice. He forced me to abandon you. That’s the truth.”
Her voice is thick with unshed tears. Our eyes connect. I’ve never seen her so quietly desperate. She takes a shaky breath, and my body goes tight with anticipation…and foreboding.
“I wanted to divorce your father after his gambling had gotten out of control the first time. We were on the verge of losing everything. Strange men were knocking on our door at all hours of the night, demanding to see him. He’d come home with split lips, black eyes, an empty bank account. And the drinking…I went weeks without seeing him sober. And he was so mean.
“So one day I stayed up late and waited for him to come home, and told him I was going to file for divorce and take the three of you with me when I left. I said he could clean up his act and get a lawyer if he wanted to try for shared custody—”
“Did you actually think he’d do that?” I ask.
“I wanted to give him a chance, and I really hoped he would. Hoped he cared enough about his daughters to get sober and quit gambling. But until then, I said, I wouldn’t let him be a part of our lives. Of course, he was furious. He went ballistic. Breaking things, yelling, how dare I take his family away, that kind of thing. But then he calmed down. He talked to me—admitted he had a problem, promised he’d get help. Hewantedto get help. Get better, for all of us.”
I nod as she talks, her description of my father’s manipulations exactly on point.
“But his debts…that was something he couldn’t fix by himself. But he said I could.”
This is definitely a twist I didn’t see coming. “Wait, you? How?”
My mother straightens her shoulders as if she’s gathering courage.
“It turned out that one of your father’s…associates…had made it obvious that he was interested in me. So your dad made an indecent proposal. I would spend one night in this man’s bed, and in return, he would cover your father’s debts.”
“What?” My stomach drops. I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“I know. And at first, I said there was no way I would even consider it. But your father convinced me it was the only way. He needed a clean slate to get on the road to recovery. So I…eventually agreed. I wanted him to get better, for you and your sisters, even though I wasn’t going to stay with him. I did have love for him. He was the father of my children, after all.”
I still can’t wrap my head around this. “But Mom—”
“Of course, it was all a lie.” She lets out a bitter laugh. “Your father got his money, but my ‘activities’ were photographed, video recorded to make me look like an adulterer. I wouldn’t get a cent in court if I filed for a divorce, and I’d be painted as a whore, an unfit mother.”
Everything she’s saying has the unmistakable ring of truth—an ugly truth. I’m in shock.
“Your father promised he’d take care of you, give you every opportunity, make it so you three would live like royalty in that big house with the horses and all the land. But I had to walk away, or else he’d divorce me and leave me with nothing, make sure you kids had nothing, too. I never thought, never in a million years, that he wouldn’t keep his word.”
Live like royalty? Yeah—in the sense that my sisters and I grew up unloved, kept in the background, more or less raised by a succession of housekeepers…and that I’m now in an arranged marriage. I’d say my father definitely accomplished the whole royalty thing.
“It’s not your fault, Mom,” I tell her. “And I’m—I’m sorry he did that to you.”
“No, don’t apologize for him. I’m the one who’s sorry. But we did have happy times, Frankie. Helovedyou girls. I truly thought I was doing what was best. I swear, if I’d suspected what he was capable of, how it would all play out, I would’ve never left.”
Both of us are crying now, passing the tissue box back and forth. Miggy is panting at our feet, clearly distressed at seeing us like this. When my mom finally calms down a bit, she fixes a regretful gaze on me.
“Has Dante…ever asked you to do something like I had to do?” she asks carefully. “Something you weren’t comfortable with, or…pushed you too hard in bed?”
