Forgiveness doesn’t always come with understanding, but it does take compassion. It’s personal. No one can tell you you’ve forgiven someone or make you. It’s for you and you alone.
It’s intimate and sacred.
Finally, I step out of the hug and drop onto a stool. Dozens of freshly poured candles are lined up along the counter, turning more opaque as they cure. Skye stays with me, rubbing my shoulders now.
I wipe the tears off my cheeks and dry my hands on my thighs. “Do you think it’s ridiculous if I forgive him?”
Skye takes a deep breath. “I can’t answer that, babe. It was your heart he broke, not mine. Has he apologized? Do you believe him?”
I nod and stare down at my bare nails. There’s a hole along the seam of my jeans, near my knee, and I pull at it, pulling at the broken threads.
“I think I already forgave him before he came back,” I admit softly. “I just couldn’t forgive myself. I kept thinking I’d done something wrong, kept looking at theway I had been with him and picking it apart, trying to solve where I’d gone wrong so I wouldn’t do it again. So I’d get it right with the next guy.” I huff a laugh at myself. “Thing is, it never feels wrong when we’re together. It’s so easy to be myself with him, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted in a relationship. God, it’s still easy with him. That’s what scares me. I can’t stand the thought of doing it all over and getting hurt again, but I can’t stop loving him.”
Are we doomed to break again? A hairline fracture, always on the verge of breaking apart? Or can we recover and learn from it to be stronger? There’s no room for games anymore, nothing except raw honesty, and is that better?
Skye lays a hand on my shoulder. “Everyone told us we were nuts to start this place. Not a single person thought it could last more than a month. Too many overheads, not enough demand on the market. Assholes, all of them.” She pulls a face. “And they got in my head. Then you raced over to my place, covered in paint, all excited because you’d finished the sign, and I told you I wanted to quit. Do you remember what you told me?”
Of course I do. I nod.
“You said we could either prove people right or prove them wrong, but we couldn’t do either if we didn’t even try.” Skye sighs and pushes her hair behind her ears. She only does that when she’s serious. “Look, if you want to give him a second chance, you don’t need permission,but both of you need to be honest with each other. Lay it all out there.”
I reach out and grab her hand. “Thank you for looking out for me.”
“It’s what we do, right?”
It is, and now I know what I need to do next.
* * *
Benji
I pushed too far. Fuck. But the way she looked at me. The way I feel, just being in the same room as her. Fuck, the way she screamed when she came. I’ll never stop thinking about it.
But I should’ve known it was too much, too soon.
My heart panics when Paige’s text comes through. I won’t be surprised if she calls this whole thing off. Tells me to fuck off out of her life, once and for all. I’d deserve it.
PAIGE:
I’m sorry I ran
Turns out, it’s worse. She’s blamingherself.
BENJI:
Don’t be sorry. I pushed. I’ll back off
PAIGE:
please don’t
My knuckles ache from where I’m gripping the benchtop, and my heart damn near stops when her next message comes through.
PAIGE:
I want to give us another shot, if you still do
Fuck, it’s all I want.
