He shifts, and now I’m fully straddling him. The cool metal of his belt quickly warming against my thigh. If I wanted to, it would be sitting directly between my thighs. Pressing. Rubbing.
Isaac’s voice yells down the hall, “Kids? The car is here. Say goodbye to your uncle and his friend now.”
They jump up in an instant, calling out as they run off, “Bye, Uncle Benji and friend.”
“Don’t have too much fun in there,” Isaac calls, and then there’s nothing but silence as the front door clicks shut.
Benji looks up at me, his neck still awkwardly bent against the plastic wall. If he’s uncomfortable, I can’t tell because he’s staring at me with nothing but fondness.
“Hey,” he says softly.
“Hi.” My eyes flutter closed as he cups my cheek.
“I’m glad you came out with us today. I’d wanted you to meet them for a while, and it means a lot to me.”
I blink down at where my hands rest on his chest. He’s warm and solid beneath me, and I want to trust this, want to forget the past and throw myself into the future, but what if we’re doomed to fail again?
Benji brushes his thumb along my jaw. “Don’t let me off the hook, Paige. Talk to me.”
“How do we know this can even work? How many tries do we give it until we accept it won’t work?”
“Good relationships don’t work without effort. As long as we’re both trying and there’s more happiness than anything else, isn’t that worth it?”
I don’t know. I want it to be.
“I …”What would Skye say? No? Yes? Is it even right to ask?It’s my relationship in the end, not anyone else’s. I should know what to do. “I want to try,” I admit.
He lets out a breath, heavy with relief, but I’m notfinished. We promised honesty, and that’s not always going to be positive.
“I want you—have since we first met—and the more I know you, the more I want you … but that’s just my heart talking. I need to listen to my head, too, and that’s telling me that we can’t rush into this.”
Every breath he takes washes over my skin in a soft gush. He blinks gentle and slow, hearing me, weighing the arguments, the options, while my body is racing ahead, preparing for the inevitable.
This is it; chance’s over; three strikes, and I’m out.
Maybe I should have closed my eyes and gone along with it. The ice we’re standing on is so precariously thin, and here I am, waving a sledgehammer around.
“Wouldn’t it already have worked out if it was meant to?” I say. “Isn’t that enough of a sign that we shouldn’t try again?”
“I don’t think so.”
I sigh. “And? Don’t just disagree with me. Tell me what you’re thinking here. If you really want to give it a go, I can’t be the only one putting in the work.”
“You’re right. Maybe if our last attempt was more than a beginning, if we’d reached the middle and it all fell apart, I’d agree with you, but we haven’t gotten the chance to see if it will or won’t work out yet, and I don’t think I want to live another day without knowing.”
He reaches up and brushes hair out of my eyes. His fingertips graze my cheek, and I want him so badly that I’m almost vibrating with it.
“I’m consumed with wanting to know you and to see if the reality of us is as incredible as I imagine it could be. To me, that’s worth the effort. You’re worth it.”
What the hell am I meant to say to that?
I’m tempted to kiss him, eliminate the need to actually come up with an answer, but we promised to talk, and kissing him is what got me in trouble the last two times.
This time will be different.
My curiosity hasn’t subsided in the year since we last tried. Would it really be so hard to open that door again?
No, and that’s what scares me.
