"Hayden." My voice fractures on his name. "The bills. The funeral costs alone, I looked it up and it's…” I stop becausewith everything happening, the bills are the one thing which is weighing heavy on me. “And mom's medical bills are still coming in, and Dad's on top of that, and I don't have—" My throat closes. "I don't have any of it."
"Shh." He says it quietly, he looks at me. "You're one of us now. You're not alone in this."
"But—"
"The medical bills, when they come, we’ll fix it. The funeral..." A pause. "That's already paid for."
I stare at him.
"Hayden, you can't?—"
"It's done."
"No, that's too much, you can't just?—"
"Olivia." His voice is gentle and completely immovable. I’ve never once successfully argued my way through anything, not when it comes to Hayden. "The family is here. That means for everything. Not the parts that are easy, not just the showing up, everything." He holds my gaze. "Autumn is doing the flowers. She's already got ideas, she'll talk you through them, all you have to do is say yes or no. Cain has taken care of a lot of the arrangements. You just need to answer two questions, flowers and the outfit. That's it. That's all you have to carry today."
I open my mouth to argue with him, but Hayden speaks first. "I've got you," he says.
He leans in and kisses me. Soft and slow, I feel my shoulders drop an inch. My hands stop shaking.
When he pulls back I look at him and say, "I can't let Cain do all of that. He's already?—"
"If you want to fight him about it," Hayden says, something shifting at the corner of his mouth. "Be my guest. But you're alone on that one."
Even through everything that’s happening, that comment makes me smile.
I nod once. "Okay," I say quietly.
He stands, and he goes to bring the funeral director back in, and I sit up straight and I breathe, and when the man asks me about flowers, I tell him I'll have an answer by tomorrow.
It's the most I can do now, I need to think about this. I need this to be perfect for her.
Once the funeral director leaves I end up on the stool at the kitchen island.
Hayden's mom is at the counter, moving between the hob and the chopping board. She hasn't asked me anything since the funeral director left.
From somewhere in the house, I can hear Hayden's voice, and then Mason's, and then Miles saying something that gets a short response from Hayden. They’re back to it, whatever it is. Family work, I don't ask about it.
He's been doing that all week. Going back to it during the day, the thing with Leo's father that I know is close now, and then coming back to me in the evening like there are two different versions of him running parallel, and neither one ever short changes the other. He holds me when I need it without me having to ask. He checks on me in the night without waking me.
And then there’s the family.
Lileah appears with tea every morning, placed on the bedside table without a word. Mason, who I know doesn't do quiet, sits beside me on the sofa for an entire evening just so I’m not alone. Miles, drove me to the hospital both days this week without being asked and waited in the car park for two hours each time and didn't mention it.
Cain, paid for my mother's funeral, and I still have to thank him for it, but now the only places I go to is, the hospital to see my father, and back here. I don’t have the energy to go anywhere else.
Hayden's mom looks up from the cooker and catches me watching her, she gives me a smile, and I return one, a real smile, but I’m so thankful for them all.
Hayden's mom has made enough food for twice the number of people sitting at the table, which I've come to understand is just how she is, and Mason is on his second plate already. These boys can eat.
I'm eating. That's something. Last week I wasn't. Hayden’s noticed without saying anything about it, though I catch him looking over at me, and he smiles. I'm picking up a piece of bread when his phone goes.
He glances at the screen, then pushes back from the table. "Give me a second."
He appears in the doorway, and he looks straight at me, and walks over to me, with a smile. "Your dad's awake," he says. "They say he's good." The chair scrapes back before I've decided to move. “I told them we’re on the way.”
When we get to the hospital, I walk as quickly as I can to the waiting room, and the doctor is already there.
