Maybe a day will come when he finds out the truth, and things will change, but until I know my mom is safe, and better, I can’t risk it. So, in the meantime all I can do is love Hayden Crawford from afar.
The sunlight filters through the kitchen window, gentle, golden and warm. I stir a spoon through my coffee, watching the swirls disappear into the dark, bitter surface. I promised dad I would come over for breakfast, and even though the trailer isn't big enough to move around openly, I’ve missed being home with them.
Across from me, Mom sits with a bright smile stretched across her face, one of those smiles that doesn’t quite reach her eyes anymore. But she tries. God, she tries.
Her hair’s thinner. Her cheeks are a little sunken. The scarf wrapped around her head is neatly tied in her favorite shade of blue, and she’s wearing the sweater I bought her last winter, the one she said made her feelalmost normal. She picks at a piece of toast, her fingers shaking just a little, but she keeps her posture straight, like she’s determined not to let anyone see her weakness. It’s only dad and myself here, we’ve seen her at her lowest, so I’m not sure who she’s putting this act on for.
“You’re not eating,” she says, nodding toward my untouched plate.
“I will,” I lie. “Just waiting for it to cool.”
Dad glances up from the corner of the table, still in his uniform, his coffee long gone. He’s pretending to read the newspaper, but I know he’s watching her just as closely as I am. Always assessing. Always worried. But never saying it out loud. She fell last night, dad said she wanted to use the bathroom, and didn’t want to wake him up, but she was too weak to hold her weight up and she fell over.
“How are you feeling today?” I ask gently.
Mom waves a hand like it’s nothing. “Like I could run a marathon.”
“Right,” I smirk, playing along. I know she likes to joke about it, she always said I can sit and cry about it, or I can fight it. She’s fighting, so she'll try to make a funny comment to lighten the mood for everyone.
“Well, maybe not a full marathon, but I could definitely outwalk you two down the driveway.”
“Lies,” Dad mutters behind his paper, and we all laugh, a soft, real laugh that fills the tiny trailer.
Her hand trembles as she brings the toast to her mouth, and the ache in my chest deepens. I smile through it, because she is. She’s still smiling. And if she can be brave enough to smile while her body fights her from the inside out, then I can be brave enough to sit here and match it.
Still, I hate this part of the morning, the part where the sun makes everything look okay when it’s not. The part where my mom jokes about marathons when walking to the bathroom sometimes makes her cry. The part where I have to pretend I’m okay when I’m not.
“Work today?” she asks.
“Yes, Mr. Cain gave me a double shift. The afternoon to set up, and the night behind the bar.”
“You’re working too much, Olivia.” My mom shakes her head before continuing. “You need to be studying.”
“I’m fine and I'm studying. Plus, I like working.” I finally start eating before she can start saying I look weak because I’m not eating.
“Is Hayden back? Have you spoken to him, let him know your back?” My mom asks, and I glance up at my dad, and he continues to read his paper.
“No, but I’ve been so busy with work and studying I don’t see anyone.” I have no idea what to say to her, I can’t tell her the truth she'd hate me and dad for doing it. Mostly dad because he’s the one who agreed to it.
“You need a day off, go over and see his parents, you know they will give you his number over there.” I can’t even look at my mom at the moment.
If there's one thing I’m sure of, it's that his parents will kill me if they see me. No welcoming me with open arms, more of a slam of the door and before that it'll be words of hate and nothing else.
And just like Hayden, I wouldn’t blame them for any of it.
“Once I speak with him, you'll be the first to know. Promise.” I sip on my coffee, and thankful my mom doesn't say anything, and I lean back, eyes locked with my dad.
We both know we can’t keep the secret for long, sooner or later she is going to find out the truth, and neither one of us knows how to explain it to her.
They always say the past will come for you, because you can only run for so long. Maybe I don’t have any more paths to run on, and the truth will be coming out before I’m ready for it.
I sit in the parking lot, looking at the piece of paper which was on my windscreen.Don’t worry I’ll look after you.For a moment I thought it was Hayden, but then I laughed. Now he’s been the only one helping me, but why would he leave me a note? There is no reason for it. Folding the paper up, I throw it on the passenger seat and get ready for my shift. It’s going to be a busy night, Friday and Saturday nights are crazy, but I'm not going to complain about it. I need the money, because mom’s treatments are getting more intense and there's no way she can miss any. So, if I have to work through the night on no sleep that’s what I’ll do.
Walking into the quiet club, which is too quiet for a place which will be bursting at the seams with laughter, music, and chaos in just a few hours. It’s that eerie calm before the storm, a storm I love to be part of.
There is something about working at Skyline which makes you feel like you’re in a different world. The people are here to have fun, enjoy themselves, and I love it.
I heard one of the girls who works here, saying she was serving on the sixth floor next week. I have no idea what the sixth floor is, nor the fifth floor, I’ve never asked. I’m here to work and make money, not to ask questions about things I don’t need to know about. When Mr. Cain offered me the job he told me I would only be working on the first and second floor, that was good with me.
