“All ready? The twins are done, but I’m sure they’ve forgotten the important things.” She laughs to herself, and I walk over to my bathroom to get a few other things I need. “How are you?”
“I’m good. It’s only five months, I think I’ve been through worse.” I joke, and the look on my mom’s face tells me she doesn’t think it’s funny. I joke sometimes about what happened, but she never finds the funny side of it. Neither do I, if I’m honest. But if I can’t joke about it, it would make me go crazy.
“Hayden,” she snarls at me, and I tell her I’m sorry. “I know it’s only five months, but a lot can happen in that time.” Shewalks closer to me and starts folding some of my clothes to put in the bag. “You’ve been getting into fights every day since you started college?—”
“Every day, really mom?” I have to question her. I know I’ve been in fights, but not every day. “Plus, they deserve it, all they had to do was stay out of my way, they didn’t.” If I see them when I get back, I’m happy to beat the crap out of them.
“I know, I worry. You know I worry.” She can’t even look at me now, and I wrap my arms around her.
“Nothing to worry about mom, it’s been a few years now, I’m in a better place.”
“Liar.” She pushes away from me a little. “You’ve pushed it all to the back, you fight them because it takes out the anger, but you'll see her, and I’m scared what it’ll do to you.”
I don’t answer because I have no idea what to say to reassure her that everything will be okay, because if I’m honest, I have no idea if it will. I keep telling myself it will be okay. It's been three years, yet the hate only builds, like a fire in the pit of my stomach.
“Are we having family lunch before we go?” I change the subject. “I need some food if I’m stuck in the car with dumb and dumber.” Mom starts laughing and shakes her head at me.
“I still don’t understand why you don’t stay here; college is less than thirty minutes away.”
“Mom, do you really want me to answer that?” I laugh out loud. When I started college, Mom and Dad got us a three bedroom house close to campus. They said the twins will be starting soon, so we can be together. Lucky for my parents, us brothers are tight, and will always be there for each other no matter what. So, I didn’t mind, plus it was somewhere for me to be when things got too much at school.
Mom thinks I get into a lot of fights. If only she knew Mason is worse than me, but I’ll let her worry about one son at a time.
Mom places her hand on my cheek and just stares at me for a moment. “I wish I could have protected you; I wouldn’t have lost a part of my son.”
“I know mom, but in a way it’s made me better for the family business, in a fucked up way. I wish it didn’t happen either.” Zipping up my bag, I follow my mom out of my bedroom, because she doesn’t know what to say to me.
No one ever does. Dad tries, the twins try. Declan is the one I seem to be able to talk to better than the others, especially after the summer he had. I feel like we both went through the same thing, but in different ways.
It’s only going to be five months. I have to keep telling myself that I only have to get through five months, and I’ll never have to see them again.
If only I could just make myself happy and kill the fucker who messed up everything. I wonder if there's a way I could make it happen without the finger being pointed at me, because after three years of fighting with them, I would be on the top of the list.
I’m sure I can think of something.
Five
Olivia
14 Years Old
I cover myself and Hayden with the blanket a little more as we lay on our stomach looking out into the garden, watching his brothers playing with their nerf guns. Hayden was out there while I was reading, then I asked Dad if I could stay a little longer once he had finished work. He said I could, but he'd pick me up for dinner, and I didn’t fight with him.
“For someone who makes fun of me for my popcorn choice, you sure eat a lot of it,” I joke, as he’s eaten most of the bowl.
“It’s growing on me.” He takes a handful and puts them all in his mouth. Well, most of it, as a lot falls around us. “Is school getting any better?” I was hoping he wouldn’t ask about it.
I hate it. They all make fun of me about dad’s job, just because he is a janitor at the school part time, we need the money. I'll never be ashamed about his job, never. I know why he works so hard, and the moment I can get a job to help him I will. One day I lied to Hayden and told him it was fine, but he didn’t believe me, that’s how well we know each other now. Weknow when the other is lying, he breaks eye contact, and he said I bite on my lower lip.
“It’s high school, they want to be mean, I ignore them.” I look out at his brothers shouting at each other, then at the iPad as we watch some hockey game Hayden wanted to watch.
He got into the high school team, he had a celebration BBQ, and his dad said I was invited to. It was fun to be able to get in the pool and have fun. My dad is finally starting to like Hayden, the words he said were, “He makes you happy and smile, that’s all I ever want.”
“I’ll come to the school and hurt anyone who upsets you.” I turn to face him laughing, because he’s joking, right? No, he’s not joking. He has that look in his eyes, a menacing glare which always makes me know that he means what he is saying.
“No, they will get bored sooner or later.” I push him away when he shakes his head, and I just watch him for a moment. He is almost fifteen, six months older than me, but he’s starting to get more and more good looking. He'll get a girlfriend really fast, and I don’t think I’m going to like it when he does. Not one bit.
“Well, if it doesn’t I’m coming down.” He takes another handful of popcorn and leans in closer to me. It’s starting to get cold now, so having his body next to mine feels good. “Are you cold?” he asks.
