Micah wrapped his arms around the younger man and held him tight. “You were the one who told me that it isn’t better to have love and lost than never loved at all. So, why risk it in the first place? Why not play it safe?” He kissed his hair and hugged him closer. “I could be happy with you, Mark,” he whispered. “You’re an amazing man. I would suffer no regrets in choosing you to spend my life with.”
Mark trembled. “You would…when your soulmate showed up again and you weren’t free to be with him.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Micah drew back and kissed Mark on the lips. “Because he isn’t going to show up again. Maybe you believe in fate, destiny, or whatever…but I don’t.” He stroked his thumb down Mark’s cheek. “I believe in what’s right in front of me.”
Mark shook his head slowly. “I don’t believe you, Micah,” he whispered. “You’re justscaredto believe, but deep down—you do. Youknowthat what happened with that man today was something amazingly special. Just because it seems impossible to you that he would ever come into your life again…give God a chance to prove to you that miracles do happen.”
“This is all fantasy, Mark.” Micah pulled away in frustration, emotion constricting his throat. “How canyoubelieve in it—when your ownsoulmatethrew you away and never looked back? How can you believe in any of it?”
Tears seeped into Mark’s eyes and he sank down on the bed.
Oh God, I’m such a jerk.Micah went to him and kneeled before him. “I’m sorry, Mark,” he whispered and took his hands, kissing his fingers. “I-I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
“It isn’t that.” Mark pursed his lips and swallowed thickly. “For a long time, I did stop believing in love and destiny and all that. But after a while, I just felt empty inside. I wanted to believe again. I even…” he blinked and lowered his eyes. “I even wanted to believe that someday Jeff would remember who he was…whowehad been together…and come back to me. I told God that I would…that I would give him a chance to show me what he could do.”
Micah frowned. “Is that the real reason you don’t want to date me? Because you’re waiting for Jeff to come back?” Hadn’t it been about ten years since they broke up? Micah’s heart went out to Mark but, surely, he was fooling himself if he thought Jeff would miraculously change his mind and want to be in an openlygayrelationship with him—possibly jeopardizing the life he’d built for himself. Micah doubted that evenGodcould swing that.
“No,” Mark whispered. “That isn’t the reason. I meant what I said…if you had asked me to be your boyfriend earlier, I think I would have said yes. I was thinking about it, too.” He released a small breath. “And maybe that’s why fate stepped in when it did.”
He meant the airport incident. Micah hung his head. “That wasn’t fate, Mark. It wasn’t…anything. I amnevergoing to see him again. And…” He cupped Mark’s hands between his palms, his tone gentle, sincere. “Do youreallybelieve you’ll ever be with Jeff again? That he’s thinking about you or wishing he’d made other choices?” When Mark’s tears welled up again, Micah touched his face. “I’m not trying to be cruel or insensitive. I just don’t want you to waste your life waiting for someone who clearly never deserved you in the first place.”
Mark stared at him, his eyes shimmering. “When I said fate stepped in,” he whispered, “I wasn’t just referring to what happened with you and the other man.”
Sitting back on his heels, Micah frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I didn’t tell you everything about my sister’s phone call,” he murmured. “After we left the airport and you asked me if I was all right…I wasn’t.”
Micah rose from his knees and sat on the bed beside Mark. “What do you mean? What did she tell you?”
Mark leaned forward and rubbed his hand over his mouth, letting it linger as he stared vacantly at the floor. “She said that when she was in the city Christmas shopping…she saw Jeff. She said he approached her and asked her if she remembered him. She was surprised that he recognized her, it had been so long since they’d last seen one another.”
A quiet rumble rippled through the foundation of Micah’s being. He was hardly aware that he was holding his breath…waiting.
“When she mentioned his engagement and asked if they’d set a wedding date, she said he seemed uncomfortable and nervous…and finally told her that it was scheduled for New Year’s Day.” Mark cleared his throat and looked at Micah. “She said he didn’t look like a man about to marry the love of his life, but that he looked…confused and lost.”
Micah listened in silence…and waited for it—thatrevelationthat would shake him to the core. It was coming, he could feel it.
Mark pressed his face into his hands, tears glistening as his gaze sank to the floor once more. “Before they parted ways…” his voice trembled, emotion quaking his words. “Jeff…asked about me.” He turned his face toward Micah, his tears rising. “He asked aboutme,Micah.” His chin trembled, and he bit his lower lip. “Janine said that when he spoke my name…she saw it in his eyes that he…that he…” Mark choked on a sob and drew in a shaky breath. “…stilllovedme.”
And there it was. Micah’s suspended belief in miracles of love came crashing down around him, unhinging everything inside him.
“I asked God to show me what he could do,” Mark whispered brokenly. “And I feel like he just gave me a glimpse.” He wrapped his arms around Micah and clung to him. “But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. He’s getting married in a little over a week and…and I don’t know what to do.” He hugged Micah harder and buried his face in his neck, his body shaking.
Micah held him deep in his arms and pressed his lips to his hair. “What is your heart telling you?”
Mark went still, his breath shuddering out of him. “To have faith in the power of love.” He raised his head, his face wet with tears. “And trust God’s plan.”
He swallowed thickly as the words hit him where it hurt. He brushed his knuckles down Mark’s damp cheek. “Can you do that?”
Nodding slowly, Mark kissed him softly. “I think so.” He gazed into Micah’s eyes. “Can you?”
Micah stared at him, scared and uncertain. “I can try.”
“That’s all he asks,” Mark said. “For you to just open the door that little bit…and let him work his wonders in your life.”
The faith was rightthere, just waiting for him to grab hold. He couldn’tthinkabout it—if he did, it would all seem too impossible and beyond his reach.
Just close your eyes—grab on.
