Fifteen
“I went into the letter with a hard, resistant heart.” Graham took comfort in Micah’s soft blue eyes. The way Micah looked at him…it made him feel safe and assured that he could tell the man anything and he would understand. That wasn’t something Graham was used to experiencing with another man. “But within the first few lines…I felt the walls around my heart start to crack. The sincerity and tenderness and emotion in those words…” His eyes filled. “…it broke down the defenses that I’d so carefully constructed and maintained since our father left us. I had no intentions ofevertaking him back into my life, no intentions of forgiving him—even if he came begging on his knees.” His head sank down and he pressed his hand over his eyes, shaking, as images of his aged father filled his mind. An old man broken by the sorrow of his mistakes.
Micah held his hand and his touch soothed some of the pain away.
Graham raised his head and Micah’s lovely face swam before him. “But he wasn’t asking forgiveness…but just to say…” his chin trembled, “…he was sorry and that he loved us…he lovedmeand was so proud of me.”
“He was,” Micah whispered with emotion.
Graham gazed at Micah. “It was the letter that opened the door…that helped me find it in my heart to forgive him and…and to let him be a real father to me.” Warm tears slipped free. “Even if he hadn’t asked me to come here…I would have. Because I had to meet the man who wrote that letter…the man who helped heal our family. And who helped put a heart back together that I thought was broken forever.”
Micah wiped his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. “It was your father’s heart in that letter,” he said thickly. “I just put it to paper for him.”
Shaking his head slowly, Graham murmured, “It wasn’t just my father in those words. You were there, too. Maybe because the things he wanted to say to us…were the things you wished your father had said to you.” He gripped Micah’s hand. “You knew what we needed to hear and how it needed to be said for us to receive it. Whenever my dad spoke of that letter, he would say that there was as much of your heart in it as his own. And that’s a large part of why I had to meet you. Until I read that letter, I didn’t know that I had been praying for the miracle of my father’s remorse, I didn’t knowhow muchI needed to hear him say he was sorry, or that…Icouldn’thealuntil he did.”
Saying it out loud for the first time was like a bomb going off inside him, shaking him to his very foundation. He hung his head and buried his face in his hands, battling a flood of emotion.
“I’m sorry,” he choked on a broken sob. “I don’t mean to…” He shook his head, swallowing another sob. “I just feel like everything is…” he squeezed his eyes shut and felt like he was breaking down. He hadn’t wanted to come to this in front of Micah. It made him feel weak and it was the weak who were cast aside and left behind. There was a strength in Micah that Graham couldn’t match and it suddenly scared him more than anything else ever had.
His age-old fears and insecurities crept in, urging him to step back—get out—before it was too late, beforeMicahsaw his weakness, his unworthiness—and walked away.
It took every ounce of strength not to flee. All the times before, he hadn’t fought it—he’d justran.But he didn’t want to run anymore. His fears weren’t real, and he understood that now, though they tried to convince him they were.
Have faith, Seth whispered in his head.In life. In God…in Love.
He’d been waiting his entire life for the love that beckoned to him from behind Micah’s warm blue eyes. And he knew—he knew—that all he had to do was reach out to it…and it would reach back.
Gentle hands touched him, curling around his wrists, drawing his hands from his face. He stared into Micah’s tear-filled eyes as the man stroked his thumbs along Graham’s damp cheeks.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Micah said thickly. “It’s okay tofeel…to cry. After all you’ve gone through…” he smiled softly, his eyes shimmering. “I think you’re holding up remarkably well.”
Graham stared back at him, his heart in quivering pieces.I love you.The words emanated from each piece of his heart and he longed for the moment he could say them out loud…and have them returned to him.
∞∞∞
Graham excused himself and went to the restroom. Micah needed the reprieve to compose himself and calm his emotions that were wreaking havoc on his senses. Had he and Graham been at a different stage in their “relationship”—this would have been the moment when Micah took him to bed and soothed his emotional turmoil with a long night of passionate lovemaking.
You see the way he looks at you—he wouldn’t object to itnow.
Maybe that was true—and Micah was fairly sure it was—but suggesting to Graham O’Brien that they have sex was not something Micah could do, having just met him today.
You didn’t hesitate with Mark.
That was different. They had meant for it to be a one-night stand with no strings attached. Yes, they continued their sexual relationship beyond that night and some strings did get attached—but their hearts weren’t hanging in the balance. With Graham, it was.
A few minutes later, Graham returned and sat down. He seemed somewhat self-conscious as he murmured, “I’m sorry. I don’t usually get so openly emotional, and rarely in public.”
“It’s all right,” Micah said quietly. “I understand. I wasn’t keeping it together so well myself.”
The waitress made her rounds and refilled their cups. The men thanked her, and she moved on to the next occupied table.
Graham added more cream and slowly stirred the contents, his eyes down. “How long are you going to be out here?” he looked up. “Are you leaving right after Christmas?”
“I’ll probably stay until New Year’s Day.” Micah opened a Splenda packet and dumped it into his cup. His heart thumped erratically. “And you?”
Graham cleared his throat. “Seth is flying back home in the morning, so he can spend Christmas with his fiancée and her family.”
“And what about you?” Micah asked with a nervous flutter in his voice. “Do you have plans for Christmas?”
