6
Just off the studio was a small dressing room. Gideon motioned Samson inside. “You can change in here.”
Samson nodded and Gideon closed the door, leaving him alone in the room. A white robe and a pair of white boxer briefs were folded and waiting for him on the short counter before a long, horizontal mirror. Samson stripped down and pulled on the briefs, which were a little snug but did wonders for his package. He gazed at his reflection as he slipped into the robe, the white apparel accentuating his deep tan.
Leaning forward on the counter, Samson peered into his own eyes, searching for something—anything—to explain this unfamiliar “energy” surging through him. He felt unbalanced as if he were suddenlyfreefallingwith no power to control his descent and no idea where he might strike down—or if it would be a fatal landing.
His brow tightened and eyes narrowed as he struggled to look deeper inside himself. The twins consumed his thoughts. His body—hisheterobody up until now—burned for them.
Just your body?
Samson trembled. He wasn’t accustomed to this emotional disorientation. He always maintained control of his mind and body. But now, everything seemed to function of its own free will and he had no idea how to reign it back in . . . or if he evenwantedto.
“Samson?” Gideon knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
Gideon entered and stood just inside the doorway. “We’re ready for you.”
Nodding slowly, Samson looked at his reflection again.
“Are you all right?” Gideon asked.
“Yeah.” Samson continued to stare into the mirror. “I just. . .” He licked his lips. “. . . need a minute.”
“Of course.” Gideon frowned with concern. “Are you having second thoughts? Because, as I explained when we first spoke, you are in full control, from start to finish. If at any moment, you decide that you want to stop, then we’ll stop. You’re under no obligation to take this any further thanyouwant to go.”
Samson faced the man. “I’m not having second thoughts. Not at all. It’s just that . . . the twins . . .”
His frown deepening, Gideon asked, “Do you want to switch co-stars?” Doubt etched his brow and Samson understood why—who in their right mind would turn away the twins?
Samson smiled. “Absolutely not. Those two are magnificent.” He hesitated then shifted his eyes back to the mirror.
“Yet, something is bothering you,” Gideon murmured. “You can confide in me. Whatever you say will remain between us.” When Samson didn’t immediately reply, Gideon closed the door and approached him. “When I created this segment, it was never meant to be just about sex. Often, when a man experiences these types of curiosities, it stems from a deeper sexual identity issue. At least, I believe so. My purpose—myhope—for this segment was that it would not only offer a physically safe place for one to explore their feelings and desires, but also anemotionallysafe place. I’ve met many young men—and some not so young—who believe these feelings are a phase and if they do the deed once, it’ll get out of their system. That is rarely the case.”
“How does that apply to me?” Samson wondered aloud. “I didn’t come here because I was . . . craving men. I was curious about thescientificaspect of same sex-attraction but hadn’t experienced that attraction myself. I understand what you’re saying, and I think it’s a great thing you’re doing, providing a safe space for men to figure out who they are. But I know who I am, and I’m not confused about my sexuality.” As the words flowed out so smooth and confident, something deep inside balked at the statement.
Gideon gazed back at him doubtfully but didn’t debate him on the issue. “Of course.” Gideon smiled small. “You just seemed . . .”
“What?”
The man shrugged, his smile holding. “I don’t know. Uncertain, maybe?”
Samson shook his head and returned the smile. “I’m not. My experience so far has certainly enlightened me on the appeal of gay sex. Boys possess a sensuality I hadn’t previously been aware of before now. I am positive I’ll never look at another gay couple and wonder what draws them to one another.”
“Being gay isn’tjustabout sex,” Gideon said. “Any more than being straight is just about sex. Society has done the gay community a grave injustice by associating it so strongly with sex—as if there’s nothing more to us. But we’re no different than anyone else. We hope, we dream, we fall in love, we nurture relationships with our friends and family as well as our lovers. Theonlything that sets us apart is that we are attracted to the same gender. And in truth, that shouldn’tset us apartat all. Yet, by so many—even in our modern world—we are still viewed as adisease.Something to stamp out.”
Samson hung his head. “I didn’t mean to imply that it was all about sex. I apologize if it came out that way. In the short time I’ve spent with these young men . . . and you . . . I can feel the deep bonds that tie you all together. I certainly don’t think that homosexuality is a disease. And I believe this world would lose something very special if it was possible to stamp it out.”
Gideon gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze. “I know you didn’t mean it that way. I wasn’t offended. I suppose I’m just compelled to point out howalikewe all are, even if many out there don’t want to hear it.”
“To hell with those who don’t want to hear it,” Samson said. “Keep speaking out and don’t let bigoted opinions ever silence you.”
Gideon chuckled softly. “I’m liking you more and more every second.”
“Ditto.”
Gideon quieted a moment, then asked, “What were you going to say about the twins? You started to say something.”
