When the voices quieted and the front door open and closed, Patrick pushed up on his elbows and looked at his desk… his closed laptop. The room blurred as he scooted to the end of the bed and sat for a moment, nausea twisting his guts.
Why are you so upset? It doesn’t matter.
He moved from the bed to the desk chair, his head light. Patrick stared at the laptop, his insides shaking. With equally unsteady hands, he slowly opened the computer and stared at the screen—still open to the website from the pamphlet. One of the video clips featured the two blond boys from the front of the pamphlet—having sex with a third boy. Patrick tried to look away but couldn’t tear his eyes from their beautiful bodies, theiractivitysensual, almostromantic—as if they weremaking loveto the other boy rather than simply having sex with him.
Stop watching—it’s sinful!
The heat pouring through his body confirmed the thought and he went to close the webpage when another video flashed across the screen, replacing the other. His heart went wild and his eyes widened as he was suddenly staring at Derek’snakednessas he did things to and with another young man—whose faceexplodedwith ecstasy.
He’d never watched porn—not once in his life.
Patrick didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he suddenly gasped for air. He choked out a sob and closed the page and shut the laptop hard. He rose from the chair—and dropped back down as a violentacheburned through his loins and he realized he washard as a rock.
His face burned hot as shame flooded him, though there was no one present to witness his sin.
God is present… and He sees your sin. All of it—inside And out.
Patrick stumbled to the bed and fell to his knees, sobbing—and praying for God to erase the sinful images swirling inside his head, boiling his blood,scorchinghis soul.
