“He, uh… I guess you could say he’s a film producer.” Derek shifted a little, eyes darting away from Patrick’s face. “Gideon… he’s an amazing man. He treats his… employees… like family. He really cares about people.”
Though Patrick knew exactly what “film producer” meant—there was a tender sincerity in Derek’s eyes and voice when he spoke of the man.
“That’s nice,” Patrick whispered, choosing not to push Derek into admitting thewholetruth. “The world needs people who care.”
“I agree.” He stroked his chin. “Something tells me your friend Brian is one of them.”
Patrick nodded. “He is. He’s great. Funny, outgoing. Cares about people and issues, beyond himself. Everyone likes him. Even my parents like him.”
Derek squinted. “Evenyour parents? Why did you say it like that? Don’t they like your other friends?”
“I… I guess, sort of.”
Derek gazed at him thoughtfully. “Are your parents cool with you being gay?”
“I wouldn’t saycool.They’ve accepted it. But they’re not exactly thrilled about it.”
“Do you go to the same church as them?”
Patrick shook his head. “No. I mean, I used to… before I came out.”
Derek frowned. “You weren’tforcedto leave their church, were you? Because you’re gay, I mean?”
“No. I wasn’t treated badly by the church, but…” He shrugged and lowered his eyes. “… but they thought I needed to be fixed.Healed.The pastor even talked to my parents about conversion therapy.”
Derek made a face. “Yikes.”
“Yeah. It kind of freaked me out.”
“Can’t blame you.”
“But I was seventeen at the time and I refused to do it. I found a different church that accepted me for who I was. My parents weren’t happy about me switching churches, but they came to accept it when I stood my ground and said I wasn’t coming back to their church.”
“Wow.” Derek smiled warmly. “Good for you. So, how long did it take them to really come around about you being gay?”
“Not right away,” Patrick admitted. “They kind of freaked when they thought I was in a relationship with Brian.”
“Brian? Why’d they think that?”
Patrick quietly cleared his throat. “I was friends with Brian before I came out. They didn’t know he was gay. When I came out, and then they found out he was gay as well… they thought we’d been having some secret love affair or something all along. I thought my dad’s head would explode.”
“Jeez. Was it hard convincing them otherwise?”
“Brian was the one who convinced them. He told them he was a Side B gay Christian and explained what that meant. For them, it was the next best thing to being straight. They said they could accept me being gay as long as I wasn’t engaging in physical relationships with other guys.” Patrick twisted his glass on the table, a pressure in his chest. “I think it was the only way they could look at me and not feel spiritual despair.”
“So… your celibacy wastheiridea?”
Patrick tensed; he knew where Derek was going with this. “No. I made that decision before I ever came out. Brian and I talked about it a lot. And I went to some Side B meetings with him. What they said made sense to me and it made me feel more comfortable coming out to my parents. I think each person has to decide what’s right for them and I don’t judge gay people who are in physical relationships, but I don’t feel right about it.”
The suddentwingein Patrick’s heart troubled him. Sitting here, looking into Derek’s eyes, he understood the source of thattwinge.But he couldn’t go there; it was a slippery slope that might possibly carry him all the way to hell.
