“I… I should probably go,” Patrick mumbled and started to slide out of the booth.
“Wait,” Derek said. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to…” He shook his head. “I don’t want you to go. I’m really enjoying talking to you.”
Suddenly torn, Patrick remained perched at the end of the bench. He knew he should leave… but found he didn’t want to. Slowly scooting back to his spot, he battled a nervous stomach.
“I’m getting kind of hungry,” Derek said. “You hungry yet?”
Patrick shook his head.
“Well, I’ll order a plate of fries. If you change your mind, you can dig in.” Rather than wave the waitress over, Derek left the table and walked to the counter and made his order.
Patrick watched him. Was Derek his first real test from God? Since truly committing his life to God, he’d never faced such confliction of spirit. Mild temptations of the flesh had come his way from time to time, but nothing he couldn’t handle with good old-fashioned prayer. Had those experiences lured him into a false sense of security? Convinced him that he was “invincible” to any real temptation? Had heactuallyexpected to cruise through life without any formidablefleshlybattles?
You did, didn’t you?
He wasn’t prepared for someone like Derek. Since yesterday, he’d been fighting his attraction to the man, desperate to “pray” him out of his thoughts and dreams. Yet, here he was… on adatewith him. All hisresistancefor nothing.
Nice guy or not—you know what he ultimately wants from you.
. . .
After placing his order for the fries and soda refills, Derek made a detour to the restroom. He did his business, washed his hands, and paused to stare at his reflection in the mirror. The restroom was empty but for Derek. He looked into his own eyes and shook his head. “What thefuckare you doing—trying to chase him away?” He released a growling exhale and hung his head as he gripped the edge of the sink. “He wouldn’t be here if he didn’twantto be here,” he whispered. “Don’t make him regret this. Don’t make him walk away and never want to see you again.”
Why are you fighting so hard for this?
The most prominent question Derek couldn’t answer.
What did he hope to get out of this? Sex was off the table—and any other surface. Patrick wasn’t looking for a relationship. So, where did that leave them? With platonicfriendship?Derek didn’t know how to conduct such a relationship with someone he was attracted to. Fuck, he didn’t even have an entirely “platonic” relationship with his “platonic” friends. Nearlyallhis friends were “fuck friends.” Hanging out with someone who didn’t engage in sex, in any way, shape, or form—it threw Derek off his game and thrust him into uncharted territory.
With Patrick… he was flying blind with no idea what the hell he was doing orshouldbe doing.
You “should” be getting out of this—for Patrick’s sake as well as your own.
Of course, he should. It would be easy enough—in theory—to walk away from this date and never see Patrick again. But the old adage came back on him—easier said than done.Patrick had some kind ofpowerover him, aholdon him that he couldn’t shake and, to be honest, didn’twantto shake—which made no sense at all. Why would he want to hold on to this? It was impossible to imagine him and Patrick as “just friends.”
It seemed almost ironic, in a way, that of all the guys he’d dated or just fucked—Patrick, a mansworn off sex,would be the one he wanted for a boyfriend. Derek might have found it fucking hilarious, if it wasn’t so damnagonizing.
Taking a deep breath, he drilled his reflection with a firm stare. “Get your ass back out there andstopmaking him uncomfortable.”
Derek exited the restroom and made his way toward the front of the restaurant.
Just talk to him, make him feel at ease, and let him open up to you.
He would, Derek was sure of it, if he just gave the boy room—
Derek halted a few feet from the booth. Theemptybooth.
No…
He quickly scanned the restaurant; no Patrick.
Shit.Shit.
Derek burst through the entrance door and out into the parking lot. The Trans Am was gone.
Patrickwas gone.
“Fuck!” Derek choked on the curse word, his vision suddenly blurred.
Why did you have to push him—why did you have to be such a DICK about it?!
The waitress came through the entrance door. “Sir… you need to pay—”
“Yeah.” Derek cleared his throat and fumbled for his wallet. “Sorry.” He shoved bills at her, unmindful of the amount, and headed for his car. A tear slipped free and he practically slapped it off his face,pissedat himself—and confused as hell why he was so fuckingupsetover one boy he hardly knew.
