His father waved him off. “Go.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, Patrick went downstairs. He shed his jacket and shoes and dropped on the bed, arm flopping across his brow. The decision to wipe Derek from his life sat like a lead ball in his stomach. Why wasn’t he receiving positive reinforcement from God? Shouldn’t there be some measure of relief accompanying this decision? Why did he just feelsickinside?
That’s shame. It’ll flush away once you prove you’re serious about vanquishing Derek from your life.
Was that it—shame?Shame for the sinful attractions he had experienced? The awful dreams? The way he felt when he watched the video clips on that porn site?
An instant warmth spread through his groin and he quickly started praying—banishingthe temptation that continued to try and ensnare him.
His phone rang and he yelped in start, heart diving into his throat.What if it’s Derek?He hadn’t changed his number yet. Hand shaking, he pulled the cell from his pocket, heart racing, heightening his sickness as he fearfully looked at the screen.
Brian.
A hard breath escaped him, though his heart continued to rattle like a freight train inside his chest. He took a couple of deep breaths and answered the call. “Hey… Brian.”
“What’s going on? I’ve been trying to call you for like the last hour. Why didn’t you pick up?”
Until just before he arrived home, Patrick had turned off his phone—terrified Derek would call. “Oh… uh, I’m… I’m sorry. I think my phone got turned off.”
“You turned it off?”
“Accidentally, I think.”
“Okay,” Brian mumbled doubtfully. “Where were you? Your mom called here looking for you. She said you went out driving.” He paused briefly. “Is that true? You were just out driving?”
“What else would I be doing?”
The extended silence unnerved Patrick.
“Did you change your mind and go on that date, after all?”
Patrick stared at the ceiling. “I called you from here—from home—at six. The date was at six. I missed it—on purpose.”
“Good,” Brian said quietly. “You don’t want to start down that path, trust me. Stay the course. Stay withGod.You’ll be all right, I promise.”
“I know,” Patrick whispered, feeling guilty for not being completely honest with his best friend. “I… I still don’t feel very good. I’m gonna head to bed.”
“Yeah, okay. Get some rest. Feel better.”
“I’ll try.” Patrick started to hang up when his guilt got the better of him. “Brian…?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s… there’s something I need to tell you, but not tonight. Can we talk after church?”
“Yeah,” Brian murmured. “Sure. Are you okay?”
“Uh-huh.”
“All right. If you’re still not feeling good in the morning, give me a call and I’ll come over there so we can talk.”
“Will do.” Patrick ended the call and dropped the phone on his bed. What would Brian say about his “unplanned” date with Derek? It didn’t matter; hehadto tell him. He had to talk tosomeoneabout it.
Are you going to tell him Derek is a porn star?
Patrick remained undecided. Maybe he wouldn’t need to reveal that dirty little fact about the boy who had him tied up in knots. He didn’t even want to think about how Brian would react tothatbit of news.
He lay on his back, unmoving, trying hard not to think about that “bit of news” as well. Eyes open or closed—he still saw Derek. Not just Derek the porn star… but Derek theeveryday guy, sitting across from him at the restaurant, smiling, laughing, talking, just being…
