CHAPTER 6
Brian sat at a windowtable in the small diner, engrossed in his phone. He didn’t notice Patrick approach until he dropped his cell on the table, startling Brian. “There.”
Looking up, Brian blinked. “Huh?”
Patrick sat down and poked his phone. “It’s done. I changed my number. Happy? Will you get off my back now?”
Brian frowned uncertainly. “What?” He shook his head. “Are youupsetwith me?”
Taking a deep breath, Patrick forced himself to calm. He sighed. “No,” he mumbled. “I’m just… stressed. Sorry.”
Brian looked at him doubtfully. “Okay. Um, stressed about what?”
“Everything. The property, mostly. The money.”
Doubt clung to Brian’s face. “God will make a way. We have the fundraiser coming up. There’s a lot of people out there who support the LGBTQ community.”
“The fundraiser alone isn’t going to do it.”
“I realize that. But it’s a start. We’ll get the money.”
“Yeah.” Patrick looked out the window. “I know.”
Brian glanced at Patrick’s cell lying on the table. “I’m sorry I pushed you so hard about changing the number. But you have to know it was the right thing to do, right?”
“Yeah. Sure,” Patrick mumbled. “Of course.” The heaviness in his chest belied his words but he kept it to himself. His throat hurt as emotions churned inside of him, causing his eyes to burn. Since changing his number, he’d felt sick to his stomach—like he’d lost something important that he couldn’t get back.
“It would’ve been a mistake, Patrick,” Brian murmured, a catch in his voice. “Those kinds of relationships… they’re destructive.”
Patrick shrugged. “Did I mention him?”
“You didn’t have to.”
“I’m fine. I didn’twanthim. I’m glad he’s gone for good. It’s not like he was someone special—we didn’t even know each other.”
Keep talking—maybe you’ll convince yourself.
“Yeah,” Brian whispered.
Patrick sighed and picked up his phone. “I think I’m gonna head home. I don’t feel that great. I didn’t get much sleep last night.” He stood up.
“Can I, uh, get your new number?”
“Oh. Right.” Patrick shook his head and recited the number to Brian. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Brian nodded as he watched him with concern.
Patrick left the diner. Rather than go home, he drove by the restaurant where he’d met with Derek on Saturday night. He pulled into the parking lot and chose a space facing the large front windows. A young couple sat attheirtable drinking coffee, talking, laughing… holding hands across the table; carefree and uninhibited by society’s “rules,” byGod’srules. Free and clear to be who they are—tolovewhomever they choose.
A flurry of foreign emotions—resentment, anger, envy—surged into Patrick’s heart, startling him—frighteninghim.
Plenty of times he’d witnessedheterocouples engaged in public displays of affection—and never once experienced such a negative reaction. He had accepted that this is the way it was meant to be.Physicalexpressions of love were reserved for straight couples. It didn’t mean God loved gay people any less—He simply had a different plan for them, an alternate path they were meant to travel. And it was anhonorto make such sacrifices for God.
Patrick pressed his lips tight as his eyes filled and throat worked. He grasped desperately for that sense of “honor” but it was nowhere to be found.
The couple blurred before him. His jaw knotted tightly, causing his entire head to pound. He fought against the words trying to claw to the surface of his mind—hisheart.Patrick squeezed his eyes shut, his neck cords straining as he resisted the horde of emotions crashing over him.
He clutched the steering wheel—knuckles whitening, hands cramping—then suddenly he broke, crying out in tears and frustration, “It isn’tfair!”
