Sighing softly, Gideon smiled. “I guess, the heart wants what the heart wants, and it won’t give up without a fight. And that goes for Patrick’s heart as well.”
“Why would Patrick’s heart want this if he doesn’t believe in physical relationships?”
“I think it all depends onwhyPatrick holds these beliefs. How did he come to believe this? Was he raised in it?”
“No. We talked about that. His parents aretraditionalChristians who oppose homosexuality. They’re ‘sort of’ okay with him being gay—as long as he never has a sexual relationship. I thought maybe he swore off sex because of them, but he said he believed this way before he came out to them. His friend, Brian, set him on this path as far as I can tell. Before that, in his early teens, he said he thought about having a boyfriend—like, a real boyfriend with all the fringe benefits. Then he met Brian and fell in with the Side B Christians, said their ideology made sense to him.” Derek shoved his hand through his hair. “I don’t know, maybe it made him feel safe—spiritually.”
“What do you mean?”
“He was raised in a conservative Christian home with parents who thought being gay was a sin worthy of hell. Until he met Brian, I think a part of him believed it, too. Then Brian showed him a way where he could be both Christian and gay, and still feelpurein God’s eyes.”
Gideon nodded. “That could very well be it. If you’re not raised in a religious home, you can’t understand the impact of needing to feel right with God. Patrick may be following this path because he’s afraid not to. But there is also the possibility he truly believes to the depths of his soul that this is the right path, and he’s following it out of love and duty to God—rather than simply a fear of going to hell.”
Derek hung his head. “If it’s what hereallybelieves,” he whispered, “then I need to forget about him.” He raised damp eyes and looked at Gideon. “I won’t be the one to try and turn him away from his faith, his beliefs. I won’t.”
Stepping closer, Gideon cupped the back of Derek’s head. “Of course, you won’t… because you’re a man of integrity.” He kissed the top of his head. “But don’t write him off yet. I have a feeling, God’s just getting started with you and Patrick.”
