Robby nodded. “Was that Patrick’s dad who called?”
“Yeah. He found something on Patrick’s laptop. Regardless of what Patrick says—he hasn’t let go of Derek and he’s going downhill fast. The stuff on the laptop is proof of that.”
“That bad?”
“It is.” Brian rubbed his neck. “He needs an intervention—likenow.”
. . .
Patrick walked to the church and sat on the concrete steps out front. Directly across the street was a dog park, deserted but for one dog owner walking a whippet on a leash. The nervous little dog was practically swallowed in a thick pink sweater and matching booties.
Slowly shaking his head, Patrick averted his attention to the phone in his hands. The compulsion to call Derek overwhelmed him. He understood where it was coming from. He felt alone—friendless—and longed for a friendly voice, someone who wouldn’t judge him for his weaknesses. Derek could be that voice.
But he shouldn’t be.
As angry as he was with Brian and Robby, they still spoke the truth concerning the gay issue. Except lately, Patrick found himself quietly resisting thattruth.And it scared him. Suddenly, everything confused him—and he had no one to talk to. It had felt good talking to Derek on their date when they were just talking about everyday things. Patrick had felt relaxed. It was different than when he talked to Brian—before Brian betrayed him. With Derek… he feltcomfortablewith himself… who he was. He hadn’t felt that way since his early teens.
He wanted to feel that way again. Maybe Brian was right about why he’d dug out his guitar—because Derek reminded him of a happier time in his life when he didn’t worry about right and wrong and could justbe.
As upset and confused as he was momentary, Derek’s number slid to the back of his mind, evading detection. He closed his eyes, struggling to call it forth.
Maybe this is a sign that you shouldn’t call him.
He didn’t know if he’d actually meant to make the call. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.
Don’t take this path—it will destroy your soul.
He hung his head and stared at the phone… the keypad ready and waiting. But he had nothing to dial in and maybe that was best. Itwasbest. His eyes drifted to the bottom of the screen and settled on an obscure tab:Recents.
Patrick stared at it. He rarely used the keypad as all his contacts were saved. His thumb hovered over the tab, then tapped it. Another screen popped up with a list of recent incoming and outgoing calls. His call to Derek was at the top—displaying thenumber.
This was the second time Derek’s number had come to him when he’d thought it was gone.
What was that about signs?
Still, Patrick didn’t rush to make the call. There was too much going on inside him just now. He didn’t trust himself.
His heart and mind went to battle, tearing him apart inside.
Tears welled and he shoved his head into his hand, swallowing sobs as he clutched the phone so hard he feared he would crack it. Choking on a strangled cry, he furiously rubbed tears from his eyes and tried to focus on the phone screen. Everything was a blur. He blinked rapidly and scrubbed his eyes again. The screen focused a bit.Enough.
Derek…
“Patrick, don’t do it.”
He froze, his thumb hovering over the number, breath shaky and erratic. “Stopfollowingme.” Patrick stood. “Just leave me alone.”
Brian came forward slowly, hand outstretched as if he meant no harm. But was that true?
“Patrick… I’m sorry.” His voice cracked and he halted a few feet back. “I… I realize now that I should have talked to you first before going to your dad. You’re my best friend… I-I was scared, I panicked.” He sniffed. “Can we go somewhere and talk? Please?”
His throat working, Patrick stood with his back to him. “Talk about what? What is it you want from me?” He turned sharply. “What does mydadwant from me—to stop beinggay?Ican’t.Youcan’t.” His chin trembled. “What thehelldo you people want from me?”
Brian swallowed thickly, his eyes damp. “I just want to talk. Just you and me… like old times… confiding in each other.Trustingeach other.”
Patrick shook his head. “I don’t trust you…”
Lowering his eyes, Brian whispered, “I need to tell you something, Patrick. Something I’ve never told anyone.” He looked up, tears swimming in his eyes. “About my brother, John. And what really happened to him the day of my fourteenth birthday.”
