“Oh.”
Patrick sank back down on the corner of the bed. “Mickey and Marcus said you wanted to call me,” he whispered. “But you didn’t because you wanted to give me time to figure stuff out.”
“Yeah,” Derek murmured. “It wasn’t easy not to call. But after you took off during the date, I didn’t know if you wanted to hear from me again.”
“I should have called you and apologized for that. Sooner than I did.”
“That’s why you called yesterday? To apologize?”
Patrick nodded.
“You didn’t have to apologize. It was my fault. I was going to apologize to you… for what I said.”
Patrick lowered his eyes. “That isn’t why I left. I was… scared.”
Derek came to the bed and sat down with space between them. “Of what?”
His throat tightened as he tentatively looked at Derek. “The way you made me feel when we were together.”
. . .
Warm shivers rushed through his body, igniting his heart. Derek struggled to hold it together. “Are… are you still… scared?”
A thin sheen of tears glossed the boy’s eyes. “Yes…”
“Does it still make you want to run away from me?” Derek swallowed.
Patrick stared at him, trembling. “No.”
“It’s okay to be scared. I am, too.”
“Why?”
Derek hung his head and pressed his palm to his mouth, his eyes burning. “Because I’ve never felt this way about anyone… ever… not in my entire life.” He sniffed. “And I don’t know what to do… to make you want to stay in my life.” He stood and moved away from the bed, to the window, and stared outside as tears blurred his vision. “Since we met, I just… I just wanted to bewithyou… spend time with you… I just wanted toknowyou. I’ve never wanted that so much with anyone, ever.” His throat worked and he turned around, the room swimming before him. “I would be with you… on your terms. I would never ask for more than you want to give.”
Patrick stared back at him in tears. “I… I don’t know what my terms are anymore.”
Swallowing thickly, Derek crossed the floor and knelt before him. “They’re whatever you want them to be,yourterms and no one else’s. And whatever you decide they are… I accept them.”
“You… you would really do that?” Patrick whispered, chin trembling. “Even-even if it meant we couldn’t…”
“Even then.” Derek’s voice shook. “You were right… love surpasseseverythingelse. If yourheartis all you can give me, then I’ll take it and I won’t ask for more.” The fear that he was promising more than he could deliver, clutched Derek’s heart but he couldn’t take it back—wouldn’ttake it back. And with every ounce of strength he possessed, he would try to do exactly as he said—take what Patrick was offering… and not ask for more.
Maybe he could live without sex, maybe not.
But one thing he knew for sure… hecould notlive withoutPatrick.
. . .
I won’t ask for more.
Derek hadn’t pressed him for a decision, he hadn’t tried to rush him into arelationship.He’d simply stated his side of it, what he was willing to offer—tosacrifice—for such a relationship. Then he left Patrick alone, allowing him space and time to think about the things Derek had told him and decide forhimselfwhat it washewanted.
As soon as Derek left the room and closed the door, Patrick began to shake.
I want to give you more than just my heart.
His breath broke in his throat and tears spilled over.
I want to feel love… the way it’s meant to be felt.
But he didn’t know how. All he ever heard was how that kind of love wasn’t meant for him, that he wasn’t allowed to want it, tofeelit—but hedid.
Sobs worked their way free and he buried his face in his hands. “I want to be with you…” he cried softly, brokenly. “… onyourterms.”
But I don’t know how to get there.
Patrick raised his head, tremors quivering through him.
What better place to learn the ways of heavenly love… than within the home of Gideon’s Angels?
