I stuffed my suitcase with jeans, leggings, T-shirts, and a hoodie. When it came time to pack my personal items, I crushed them into a ball along with my socks so Austin wouldn’t see them.
I’m sure he’s used to women who wear silk and lace, not boring cotton.
What the heck was wrong with me? I was packing to hide in a safe house, being embarrassed about my underwear shouldn’t be a thing. I must be cracking under the pressure.
After hiding my underwear below my hoodie, I grabbed Eddy and my blanket out of the closet.
“Are you sure you want to bring them?”
“Yes.”
“What if something happens to them?”
I hated him for asking.
I hugged them to my chest and whispered, “I couldn’t sleep the night you had them.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s just… they’re all I’ve ever had, you know?” I hated how pathetic, how close to tears, I sounded.
“I understand.” Austin stepped closer and lifted my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “But you have more now.”
I did. Sort of. I had photocopies of pictures and pictures of items my parents had left for me, though I wouldn’t be able to look at them until this was all over and I had my phone back. The real ones were evidence, and I might never see them again.
Don’t cry. Do not cry.
“I have to take them.”
The damn broke loose.
Before the first tear could fall, Austin wrapped me in his arms and whispered, “Shhh. You’re okay. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I said around a sniffle. “I’m trying to be brave, but this is just so much.”
“You are brave.” He rubbed my back as he cradled my head to his chest. His steady heartbeat soothed me as he said, “So very brave.”
Brave was the last thing I felt, standing there crying while I tried to explain to Austin that I couldn’t sleep without my teddy bear and baby blanket.
“I’m sorry if I led you to believe otherwise.”
I sniffed and pulled away. Keeping my head tilted down so he couldn’t see my tear-stained face and no doubt red-rimmed eyes, I said, “You didn’t; it’s just hard to feel brave right now.”
“Hey.” He tilted my face up, “It takes a lot of courage to do what you’re doing.”
I leaned into his hand when he brushed my tears away with his thumb.
“But I’m so scared.”
“Being scared isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a natural human reaction to a threat.”
Chapter 50
Austin
John was waiting for us when we pulled into the SSI parking lot with Jay and AJ right behind us.
“Doug’s upstairs; we’ll get you set up with comms, and Cate will give you everything you need to get to the safe house.”
