… In my brain, I know it isn’t Ella…
M.D.:I already know what I like.
Me:I’m not arguing with you about this.
I watch the screen as the three little dots pop up, dancing around, and then disappear. Apparently, she was more upset about my response than I thought she would be.
“You okay?” Roxy calls to me, sliding another whiskey over.
“Huh, yeah. I’m good.” I mumble to her as she looks at me, concerned for another minute.
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Something just felt strange for a second.” I nod to her before I turn around and walk back over to Mindi, as she smiles up at me. Glancing down at my screen and still seeing that Ella has decided not to text me back, I sit down next to her.
“Is she ignoring you?” Mindi whimpers in my ear and it almost causes me to roll my eyes. If I wasn’t slightly concerned that she knows who I was just texting with, I probably would.
“What?” I snap back at her as she runs her hand up my thigh.
“She’s ignoring you.”
“Who?”
“Whoever it is, you keep checking your phone for.”
“No, it’s not like—”
“I don’t care.” She shakes her head before straddling my lap and leaning into me. “You can imagine it’s her you’re fucking, as well. Honestly, I really don’t care.” Raising an eyebrow, I look at her and she smirks. “Come on Axe, it’s just a release.” She laughs again as I nod my head. “If you need to fuck someone out of your system. I understand, maybe I do too.” She presses her index finger into my chest.
Picking her up, trying to make sure I don’t bust my ass and embarrass myself; she wraps her legs around my waist, and then I move down the hall into the guest room that is going to be empty tonight. Setting her on the floor, I motion with my hands for her to turn around as she leans over the dresser, and I drop my jeans as I roll a condom on. Lifting her skirt up. Pushing inside of her, I no longer can see Mindi in front of me, but it’s, in fact, Ella. Every sound that I hear is in her voice. Every glance behind to look at me, I see her big brown eyes. Every time I grip onto her hips, I imagine it’s her skin underneath my hands.
Every vision that I have had in the last few weeks, in my dreams, plays out as I fuck Mindi.
In my head, I know it isn’t Ella.
But I can’t quite convince myself of that, yet.
My gun’s still pressed to the back of my head, but my tears have since dried on the mattress.
My body finally gave up fighting what feels like hours ago.
I refuse to let him hear the sounds of my cries.
I won’t give him the satisfaction.
I spaced out long ago.
My eyes focus on the only thing in my line of vision out of my left eye. Since the right side of my head is pressed deeply into the mattress.
I watch the tv that had somehow been turned on in the struggle. I’m imagining it’s what I slipped on when I broke out of his grasp the first time and tried to run from the bed. When I slipped on it, Jake lunged at me and wrapped me up as he pressed the barrel to my head and whispered in my ear, “You do that again, I’ll blow your fucking head off.”
The bullet hole in the living room wall shows I didn’t take him seriously. I’m not sure if he’s just a terrible shot, or if he purposefully missed. Either way, the noise alone caused me to freeze and give him enough time to lunge at me again, gripping a hold of my hair as he drug me back into the room.
For some reason, Peppa Pig is on right now. I remember it from when I was watching the girls a few weeks ago. It happened to be on, not that they were really watching it.
I focus all of my attention on the pig. Letting myself fall into the mindset of the show. Tuning out the rest of my life at the moment.
And then my head’s no longer being pushed into the mattress. There isn’t a barrel to the back of my head, and I don’t feel the pressure of him against me. As much as I want to fucking run out of here, I don’t let him see that I’m completely back in reality. I continue to stare straight ahead even if I’m keeping notes of exactly where he is.
