… Please do not feel guilty…
The shower helps me sober up more than I was already.
Wrapping the towel around myself, before I change into the clothes that Axe gave me. His shirt comes down almost to my knees. I debate rolling up the bottom of the sweats but just push my feet inside of the legs, and then leave the bathroom.
“Axe,” I call out for him, as I walk down the hallway towards where he first took me into his room. Pushing the door open, I can’t help letting my eyes trail over his body as he stands, with his back to me, in only his boxers. The longer I stare at him, I can’t help but gasp out. “Axe?” I don’t know how to form the question that I want to ask. The scars that run up his back instantly worry me.
“Shit,” he whispers out under his breath. Slowly, he turns until he’s looking at me and he presses his lips tightly together. I slowly move closer to him as I let my eyes trail down his body again.
I feel so much smaller than I ever did around him before. I feel so conflicted as my eyes trail from his perfect face, down to his defined pecs, over his abs, all embellished with their own scars, just like his back. I force myself to overlook the slight bulge I can see outlined in the boxer briefs that he’s wearing, but look down to his legs. I slowly walk back around him so I can see his back, running my hands along the damaged skin. I can see where the scars run down to where his boxers are concealing the end of them. Slowly, I move back around, stopping in front, and looking up at him.
“Unfit?” I whisper out in a question as I look down his right leg where his leg stops below the knee and rests into the socket of a prosthetic.
“Yeah,” he nods his head.
“I’m sorry.” I whisper out before he smiles, shrugging his shoulders.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know but—” he shakes his head, telling me to stop talking.
“Don’t pity me.” He tells me. “It could be so much worse. I got lucky.” And he just shrugs again before he holds up a finger and steps towards the bag, the one that he grabbed clothes for me out of and puts some on himself.
“I don’t pity you.” I tell him as he pulls his own sweats up and I can’t stop thinking about his leg… about his scars. Cocking his eyebrow as he glances at me over his shoulder. “I don’t. They’re a part of you, and you are one of my favorite people.” I smirk up at him and he just continues to stare back down at me “Plus, don’t women find scars sexy?” He tilts his head to the side before he smirks and shakes it slightly. “I’m just shocked that I didn’t know.”
“No one really knows.” He shrugs again.
“What? How?”
“It’s never come up. Fury knows, because the last time it started bothering me, I didn’t want to go up to the V.A.”
“What about the girls at the house?” He just shakes his head again, causing me to laugh. “Fucking, how?”
“Let’s not talk about that.” He tells me, causing me to laugh as he walks back over to me. It’s the first genuine laugh I’ve managed in probably months. “I thought you’d be asleep by now.”
“Me too,” I laugh out, “but I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?” He snorts out, shaking his head.
“Tonight.” His eyebrows come together as he sits down on the bed.
“Don’t be sorry.” He leans over closer to where I’m standing. Placing his hands on my arms, he pulls me closer to him so I’m nearly looking at him at eye level. “You can call me whenever, Ella. If you ever feel unsafe. It doesn’t matter what time it is. Where I am. You call me, okay?” I slowly nod my head as I sigh.
“What did you tell them?” I ask him and he knows that I’m talking about whoever he talked to at Sirens before he took off.
“That there was an emergency at my mom’s.” I laugh a little. “It wasn’t completely a lie. You weren’t far from here.” He tells me. His face falls, and he looks back up to me with a serious look coming over his face. “Are you okay?” I try to speak, to tell him I’m okay, but I can’t lie to him. “Babydoll.” His voice cracks as he whispers before he pulls me into him. It’s the first time that I remember Axe ever being the one to initiate some sort of physical contact. The safety that I feel as he holds me is overwhelming and I can’t stop the tears as they come from my eyes. “Shh, it’s okay.” He pulls back again and looks up at me. “Let it out.” He tells me and I can’t help but laugh out through a sob. “What?” He looks confused now.
“You, how are you, this…” I pause, not really knowing what it is I’m trying to say, “fuck, I dunno… nice, sweet, caring.”
“Because it’s you.” I can feel my stomach tighten.
“Can I…?” I trail, not wanting to ask him anymore as the tears still run down my cheeks.
He smirks at me, not like he actually thinks it’s funny, but more like he’s trying to make me smile, “This is a bad idea, but…” he trails as well before he slowly nods his head.
“Thank you,” I whisper to him as he starts to stand up and I look at him, confused.
“The lights.” He mumbles, causing me to laugh a little.
