… Give it time kid…
Axe is quiet for a long time as we sit at the table. I don’t press him to talk, I just continue to sit, waiting for him to process everything.
“Goddamnit, Ella!” He shouts loudly at me, slamming his fist down onto the table, causing me to jump as I look up to him. He’s finally talking, but I don’t say a word, because for the last 3 and a half years, I have been worried if he would blow up like this. “Are you fucking kidding me?” His fist comes down to the table hard again. “You were pregnant with my kid, and you couldn’t pick up a goddamn phone and call?”
“At first, I thought about it… then—” I whisper out before he cuts me off. Now, finally understanding why it’s taken him so long to respond if this is how angry he is about everything...
“Oh, you thought about it!” He shouts again.
“Yes, well—” He cuts me off again.
“Well, that’s real fucking nice Ella, I’m glad to know that you fucking thought about it.”
“Axe,” I look up to him and frown. “I knew when I left, I had essentially blown up your life.” I pause, realizing that I probably should have chosen better words, taking a deep breath before I start again. “When I found out, I knew that if I came back and told you, it would only cause more grief.” I hear him scoff before I start again. “I thought to myself then that I would tell you before he was born, but the longer I went and the closer that I got… the harder it was. I called a couple times, but when you would answer, I would panic. I swear you even said my name once.” I’m honest with him. He continues to glare at me. “After the first year, I just became okay with the idea that it was just going to be him and I.” Sighing, I look up to him again. “I had convinced myself that it was for the best. That you didn’t have a choice in the matter of things. That it was all my decision so that I should have to deal with it.” I shrug.
“El, I made my own decisions that set things in motion. I mean, fuck.” He mutters as he softens. “You shouldn’t have gone through any of this by yourself.”
“Then why didn’t you call back?” I shout at him, so confused.
“What are you talking about?”
“I tried calling you the entire week before I went into labor. I was freaking out.” I pause, looking up at him. “When you never called me back, I assumed you wanted nothing to do with us.” He just stares at me, even more confused.
“Ella, I never got a call from you.” I just look up at him and see the confusion on his own face. “You couldn’t leave a fucking message?” He snaps back.
“I did.” I whisper, looking up. “I left two. One when I went into labor and the other was right after he was born.”
He shakes his head, looking up at me. “You should have come back. You shouldn’t have done this all alone.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. They were so pissed at you already.”
“Fuck everything else, El.” He whispers as he moves from one chair to another, moving closer to me, “If they wouldn’t have come around to it. I would have left with you.”
“That’s just it.” I tell him. “I don’t.” I backtrack, changing my words, “I didn’t want you to be with me just because we have a kid together. I didn’t want you to be with me because you felt obligated to.” I look up at him and he sighs. Pausing before I state. “I’m not expecting you to have any answers right away. Take some time and think about it. Whatever you want to do, I understand.”
He looks up at me. “I want to be a part of his life. I don’t need any time to think about that.”
“Okay.” I look at him, nodding my head. “I think we should wait for a little while before we tell him, though. Let him get to know you.” He nods his head, agreeing with me as the door opens and Ash pokes his head inside.
“I didn’t hear any yelling, just wanted to make sure it’s safe.” I look at Axe, who calls back to him.
“Yeah,” and he just glares at me.
“I know that this doesn’t mean you and I are good. I know you have so many more things to be mad at me about.” I tell him, sighing as he just stares at me.
“Somebody’s sleepy.” Ash teases Jag as they walk inside the house. Reaching over, he tousles his hair a bit.
“Am not.” He responds to Ash, making me smile as I look over at him as he rubs his eyes.
“Aw, bug.” I look at him as I walk over, picking him up. “Come on. Let’s go snuggle for a bit.” He lets out an enormous yawn as I lift him up and he latches his arms around my neck before leaning his head down on my shoulder, nearly already asleep.
Walking up the stairs, I make my way into the guest room that Ash showed me to when we got here. As I lay down with him, I look at him. “Did you have fun?”
“Yeah, I like Uncle Ash.” I just laugh, nodding my head.
“Yeah, he can be a fun uncle.” Shaking my head as I think about Ash teaching him to make fart noises with his armpit earlier outside. “I’m going to go visit with my dad in a few minutes. Are you going to be okay if I leave you with Ash and Axe?”
“Yes.” He whispers as I lay down with him.
