“Before what?”
“Before I told you I was in love with you.”
“And now?” I whisper out, feeling like that’s what he wants me to ask.
“Now, I’m scared that something will happen before I can tell you I’m still in love with you. That I never stopped loving you. I only wanted you to be here because you wanted to be, not because I went after you.” I feel his hand gently caress my cheek.
“I’ve never wanted to be anywhere else.” I whisper, looking up at him. “I only stayed away because I thought it was best for him. I thought that being here would have the same impact on him as it did me. I thought you didn’t want him. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. He needs you.” I pause as I quickly inhale. “I need you.” I pause again. I fully intend to finish my thought, but his lips on mine interrupt me. It’s forceful yet gentle, just as I always remember him being. And I can’t think straight, as everything I’ve wanted since I left is right within reach. All I have to do is just give in.
Greedily, I let my mind fog. I block out every rational thinking for merely a few brief moments of selfishness. His hands glide up my body, gripping on to my hips as he leans into me, and I let him lay me back. Leaning just the right amount of his body weight to me and just like so many years ago, and feeling the hardness pressing into me. We shouldn’t be doing this. Jag won’t understand. It’ll just complicate things more. We’ve always been a bad thing. If only it didn’t always feel so right…
Pushing back against his chest, he looks down at me and his gray eyes nearly take all my rational thoughts away. “I need you… Even when we’re not together.” I whisper back to him, finally finishing my thoughts, and I can see the hurt in his eyes.
I wish I wasn’t able to read him so well.
“El—” he whispers before I cut him off again.
“Axe, you have a girlfriend.” He moves backwards, sitting up slightly and giving me enough room to sit as well.
“I told you, I don’t have—” I smile as I cut him off once more.
“Do you have a girl who thinks she’s your girlfriend?” I pause, looking up at him, and he sighs. He doesn’t need to answer because I already know. “Then, like it or not, you have a girlfriend.”
“I’ll—” He immediately stands from the bed, talking quickly as I just shake my head and cut him off.
“Stop, you won’t.” I whisper, moving from the bed standing in front of him. My heart aches as I look up at him. Placing my hand on his chest and sighing. “We already had our chance. You’re the father of my child and for that, I will love you for the rest of my life. But I’m not sure this is healthy for either of us.” His hand comes up over mine as he looks down at me.
“Don’t say that.” His pained whisper almost makes me want to take it back, but it’s for the best. Turning away from him, I walk towards the bathroom, locking myself in the room. Leaning against the door, I can’t help but let my fingertips touch my lips, feeling the warmth that his lips left, as I slide down, and silently let the few tears back I was holding in.
The door closes as she walks into the bathroom, and I hear it push back against the wall once more.
She may have said that we can’t, but when the door pushes harder against the frame and I can see the light from underneath it shifts, and the nail that makes my goddamn heart shatter is the sob that she thinks is quiet, yet I can still hear her sniffle out.
My feet are pounding the steps as I move as quickly as I can up the stairs, making it back into the living room. Quickly diverting my eyes as Caroline sits on top of Ash’s lap, thank God sitting away from me with her bare back exposed.
“Shit.” I hear Caroline mutter as Ash pulls her flush against his chest and looks around her.
“Sorry,” he clears his throat.
I try not to laugh as I nod my head, still not looking up at them. “It’s cool. Not here.” I laugh. “I’ll be back later.” I tell them before I’m out the door, kicking my leg over the bike and speeding out of the grounds.
Rushing up the stairs, I’m knocking on the door before it opens, and Chloe stands in front of me.
“Axe,” she whispers out as she steps into me and wraps her arms around my neck. “I’m so excited to see you. I thought you said you were going to be busy all day.”
“Chloe.” I pull her arms off from around me and look at her. “We need to talk.” She hesitates as she looks up at me and nods her head, letting me into her apartment. She won’t look at me as we walk into the room. She sits down on the couch, still refusing to look at me. Sighing, I sit, not wanting to have this conversation, but knowing that she already knows why I’m here.
“You’re breaking up with me?” I look over at her, confused.
“What do you think we are?” I finally look over at her. “I told you.” I tell her as I look over and she slowly nods her head.
“I just thought,” she pauses as she looks down. “Maybe after…” she trails again as she stops and looks up at me before she sighs again. “I heard she’s back…” she whispers, lastly.
“I don’t want to lead you on, which is why I tried to tell you before. But it has nothing to do with her… fuck. I mean, okay, it does. But it isn’t because she’s back. Okay, that’s not completely true either.” Roughly running my hand over my face. “Chloe, I told you, I didn’t want a relationship.”
“I know.” She whispers.
“And yes, Ella, coming back changes things in my life.” Pausing again. “But not because we’re getting back together.” Chloe looks over at me, a bit confused. “You’ll probably find out anyway, but when she came back I found out about her son.” She looks at me confused for a second and I can’t help but hear Ella screamingatme about her being vapid and I have to force myself not to laugh.
