“Let. Go. Of me.” He says, looking down at where I have a grasp on his arm.
“Ro, please, don’t kick me out.” I cry out, pleading with him, my voice cracking. He turns quickly; glaring at me as he stops.
“Why would I let you stay? You purposefully break the one fucking rule I give you. Tell me Sadie, how long was I out of the room before you got high?” I don’t want to answer, so I just stare up at him, and he shakes his head. “Get the hell out of here.” He says before he turns around and walks further up to the building.
Reaching into my bookbag, into the hidden pocket, I grab the bag of pills and launch them across the parking lot, hitting him in the back with them. “Fucking take them!” I scream, pissed now. “Is that better? Would that make you fucking happy enough to not send me to my death?” As the bag makes contact with his back, I regret my decision of throwing it as it bursts open, pills exploding into all directions.
He suddenly stops as the bag collides with him, and spins around, I can see the darkness flooding his eyes. It begins raining down tablets all around us. I can see him physically exhaling a shaky, rage-fueled breath, but I remain staring at him, not backing down, as I watch his eyes fill with rage, quickly growing darker. Am I refusing to back down because I don’t want to back down oris the fear taunting me like an old friend, ready to play?
“What the fuck…?” He shouts before he’s moving forward, the sound of crunching pills coming from underneath his boots. I can see him coming towards me, but I am too paralyzed with panic, and excitement, to move any. He abruptly closes in the void between us, and the stinging starts at the back of my head. He grabs a hand full of hair, forcing my face up and my head back so that I’m looking at him. “Did you just throw an entire goddamn bag of pills at me.” I don’t respond because both him and I know that he’s not really asking me. “I’m trying to be fucking nice to you, but you keep… ugh, you keep fucking pushing me.”
“Nice, yeah, okay.” I roll my eyes, causing the grip that he already has on my hair to tighten, pulling my head to the side. I can see the anger in his eyes as he glowers at me. We’re both seething and for some messed up reason it causes an ache for him to start, a throbbing between my thighs. My chaotic side telling me that the rage-fueled passion fuck isn’t far off.
I can’t help but watch his tongue as it comes out of his mouth, wetting his lips. “Yes, nice.” He pulls my face closer to his, forcing me to stand up onto my toes in an attempt to ease the tugging on my scalp. “You’re lucky that I brought you back here at all, I should have just left you there. Let them pass you around, use you up—” I’m sure he’s going to say more, but I cut him off, instead.
“So, why didn’t you?” My question stuns him for a moment. He stares at me almost as if he doesn’t want to attempt to answer it.
“You... I don’t know.” He says as he slowly eases the grip on my hair, but he doesn’t look away from me, and his hand remains tangled in my hair. “Like I said before, you reminded me of someone I used to know.” Almost like remembering why he did these things is enough to pacify the bear.
“Who?” The word slips out of my mouth before I can stop it and he just shakes his head, sliding his hand out of my hair.
“It doesn’t matter.” He mumbles as he turns around and looks at the debris of pills that exploded from the bag. Laying where they fell to the ground
“What are there are like 500 pills?” It’s not a question that he’s asking me, but simply a statement that he’s saying to himself.
“I don’t know, I didn’t count them.”
“You stole these from J, didn’t you? That’s why he’s going to kill you.”
“It’s what he deserves.” I say as I look down at the ground and I see his boots turning around as he steps back to me.
“How so?”
“Because I am a fucking trainwreck because of him.” I shout out, motioning to myself.
“He’s the one who gave them to you?”
“More like,” I fail to push back the tears that are definitely real now, shaking my head, and looking back up at him. I let my defenses down for a moment, letting the tears slide down my cheeks. Allowing him to see behind the curtain for just a second. “They drugged me.” I watch his brows furrow more. “I was in a bad place, emotionally, I had just gone through a lot, and I was trying to just release some steam.”
“You went to a party they threw.” I’m not even sure how he knows what happened without me even telling him.
I nod my head. “Yeah.” It’s a whisper, but I see his eyes soften. “They were mixing it into my drinks, the more I drank the more they put in. I was so fucked up that it was days before I got back home. My parents were pissed. Cause you know complete trainwreck and all. They were helping me out, even though neither of us really wanted them too.” I hesitate leaving out the part of the story that I don’t want to tell him, based on what I know about him, he’ll definitely kick me out if he knows everything.
He nods his head backwards and I close in some of the distance between us, I see the device in his hand as he closes the gate behind me, and I continue on explaining to him what happened. “I woke up the next day feigning and wanting to numb everything. So, I tried to find something from my friends that would work, but nothing came close. I knew that they had given me something, I just didn’t know what it was, and it didn’t seem like anything else was coming close to the same high. It only took 2 days before I woke up early one morning, told my mom I had an errand to run. I can’t even remember what lie I thought up, I’m sure she didn’t believe me. And I showed up back at the clubhouse. And I’m pretty sure that I’ve been there since.”
“Pretty sure?” he asks me.
“J’s kept me pretty high most of the time and if I’m not, my body starts to go into withdrawals.”
Chapter Six
RO
I stare at her as she tells me her story, and I can see the shame in her eyes. Even though, I know, she’s holding something back, I don’t press her on the matter, because whatever she’s hiding from, she doesn’t want me to know about it, and I’ll give her that privacy… for now. I get that. I fucking do.
I should just kick her out, regardless of what her reasons are, but I can see that she’s secretive, she doesn’t let people in, and for her to just plead with me the way that she did and open up about that shit… means she’s afraid. And it’s also her way of telling me that she needs help, even if she doesn’t consciously know it, subconsciously she’s pleading with me for support.
“Okay.” I say it quietly as if I’ll change my mind if I hear myself say it any louder. Continuing to look at the mess of the pills scattered all over the parking lot. I’ll get the prospect to clean it up. “Come on.” I nod back towards the building, and I watch as she visibly relaxes.
