His laugh startles me but causes me to look up at him. His eyes crinkle as he continues to laugh to himself. His head leans backwards as his laughter becomes louder. His face comes back forward and the smile on his face makes me feel slightly happy, the legit smile feels strange on my face. His eyes lock with mine as he looks back down, and I’m struck with how the water clings to his skin, how it rolls down his body. I want to lean up and kiss him again, but for real this time. Wrap my legs around his waist and let him fuck any sadness out of me, right here.
?
RO
I knew she was staring at me; I could just sense it. I shouldn’t have gotten in the shower with her, but the couple of shots that I had earlier were letting in images of her in there and hindering rational decisions.
“—daddy issues.” I can’t help myself as she says it and I laugh out. Because it’s funny, and she pretty much just told me that she wants to fuck me. Looking down, I see her staring up at me, and I’m still trying not to laugh, until I lock eyes with her and see the goddamn size of her pupils.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I snap at her as I grip ahold of her face, pulling her up to me, causing her to stand up on her toes. Shaking my head, I let go of her fucking face completely before I storm out of the shower. And back into the bedroom, ripping open her bag again.
How in the hell does she still have any? She threw a goddamn bag of them at me which had enough to kill everyone in this house.
“Ro, stop, please.” She pleads with me as I turn around and glare at her.
“What?” I shout at her as I turn back towards the bed, pulling the sheets and pillows off of the bed. As I grab the pillow, I feel something hard inside of it. I scowl back at her as I reach inside without breaking eye contact with her. I watch her eyes widen even before I remove it.
I pull out a marker from the pillowcase and give her a look as her eyes fill with fear. It’s her tell as to I am on to the right track. I look down at the marker, dropping the pillow back to the bed.
I’ve seen the marker trick before. Popping the bottom off of it as I shake my head, looking up at her. “I should have known.” I look at her, stepping towards her. Her eyes somehow manage to widen more. “This what you want?” I scream at her. “What you can’t get enough of?”
“I—I—”
“What?” I shout at her again. “This is the most important thing to you, isn’t it?” I close the distance between us, pinning her against the wall, both of us still naked. I grip ahold of her cheeks again. “You want this to kill you?” I shout in her face. “Want J to fucking win? To be the reason why you’re a goddamn corpse? Cause you’re slowly fucking killing yourself.” I shout still as I press my fingers against the hollow void that her cheeks create even harder. I can feel her teeth before I push them apart, and I lift up the case of the marker to her lips. Her body shakes underneath me, I can see her eyes filling up with tears, but I force myself not to care. “Why prolong it?” I tilt it up and hear the remaining pills drop into her mouth. “Why wait, just fucking kill yourself now?” Tossing the marker onto the ground as I close her mouth, holding it closed, and she looks at me with terror in her eyes as they start to fill with water, almost immediately. I have to fight the urge to feel bad about what I’m doing as I continue to hold it closed.
She mumbles a few words before the tears spring out of her lids and start to roll down her cheeks. Not like the bullshit tears she was crying the other day. No, she has no control over these ones.
“What?” I ask her, letting my hand fall from her face. As soon as my hand is clear she spits the pills back in my face.
“You’re a fucking asshole.”
I shove her back towards the bathroom. “Get dressed.” I shout as I walk back into the room and turn off the shower. Turning back around, I see her pull the shirt over her chest, and slip the pants on. She only has a couple of seconds afterwards until I’m pulling her through the room by her arm.
“Stop please.” She pleads with me as she pulls against my grip. I don’t stop in fact I pick her up and toss her back onto the bed. She tries to move back off, but I push her down again. Her fists connect with my face, this time much harder than it did the other day. I grip both of them and hold them above her head in one hand.
“I’m sorry.” She sobs out. “I just want the pain to stop.” Momentarily, I stop, looking down at her, and see the honesty in her eyes. “I don’t want to die. I have so many things I need to fix. I can’t… I can’t… leave ‘em.” She sobs out making the last couple of words difficult to understand.
Why don’t I just kick her out this time? Because the reaction out in the parking lot and this reaction right now… tells me that she doesn’t want to be doing it. And like any addiction one is going to have some slips.
I’m so furious with her though, I reach up with my free hand and quickly cuff a wrist back to the bed.
Moving to the side of the room, cleaning up the pills, before I walk over to the bed, getting in, and sigh out as I hear her sobbing next to me.
“Shit.” I mumble before I roll over and look at her.
“I just want to make the pain stop.” She whispers to me again and while I look over at her I can see the sadness mixed with honesty in her eyes. Her tears make the hardened asshole that I have become over the years, and have to be to her, more difficult to maintain.
“I know.” I reach over to her before she flinches away from me, and I wonder if it’s the same reason why she flinched before or if it’s because I just told her to kill herself, because I’ve pushed her too far.. I pull her in close to me wrapping my arms around her as she sobs and relaxes into my chest.
“Why are you so mean to me?” She whispers back to me. Not pulling her face from its hiding spot.
“Because right now, that’s what you need.” She nods her head, understanding. Slowly letting her hands away from her face as she looks up at me.
“Then why are you being nice to me right now?”
“Because…” I don’t have a reason really, except for that when her eyes filled with tears, I instantly regretted how hard I just was on her.
Chapter Nine
