The door opens and I hear footsteps, but I don’t look up. I don’t need to. I know who it is.
“You know.” He starts. “All you have to do is stay away from her forever, and you can get out of here.” I still don’t answer him. “Come on, Z. I mean, her pussy isn’t that good. She’s just like everyone else.”
“That’s the difference with us, Darren. I know exactly what I have. And you never cared enough to notice. It was all about winning for you.” I still don’t look over at him, just continue to stare up. “She tell you what I offered her?”
He doesn’t answer.
“Sometimes I wonder how mad you would have been about that. Fuck, how mad you would have been for just knowing that she contemplated it.” I know he’s dying to ask me what. I know the club is keeping her safe, so regardless of how much I piss him off, he’s not getting her. “I wonder how many times she imagined taking me up on it. Imagined that she left you that night. I mean, I know she fucking wished she would have when she came to me. She blamed herself. She told me had she taken me up on my offer, she’d still be pregnant right now.”
“It would have still been my kid.”
I laugh again. “Yeah, but it wouldn’t have been anything like you. I would have made sure of that.”
“There’s a reason they say blood is thicker than water.”
I laugh again. “Ya know, there’s some debate about that. Some say it came from the saying that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“That the bonds with the family you chose are stronger than the one you’re born into. Tell me, how much would it have pissed you off if I would have raised your kid?” I can’t help but antagonize him. “Teach your son how to ride a bike, how to drive, you know, teach him how to be a man, but not all the bullshit ways I’m sure you think it means to be a man, but the real way to be a man.
I watch his face redden as I continue talking.
“How mad would it have made you for your son to call me dad?”
If this was a cartoon, smoke would come out of his ears.
I sit up on my cot and look at him.
“What?” I shrug. “It was so close, too. On your wedding day. Fuck, at the ultrasound,, it wouldn’t have taken much convincing her to leave.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
I look to the side, shaking my head. “See, you don’t get it. People have free will for a reason. I want her to live her life and make her own choices. And I would never make her have to choose because that’s not fair to her, especially when someone else is trying to force her.”
“You’ll never deserve her.”
His comment tries to hurt me, but he’s not telling me anything I don’t already know. “Oh, believe me, I’m well-fucking aware of that.” I laugh out. “But I can live everyday trying to be better for her.”
“And you think what you do, your life, is every going to give to the opportunity to be better?”
“I may venture into the grey from time to time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have morals. I understand that just because something’s a crime doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing.” I laugh loudly. “In fact,your wifetold me that. So yes, I think I can be better for her. And I damn sure can be better than you are.”
“She’ll regret that.” He mumbles under his breath.
“Do you remember that promise I told you?” I ask him, this time standing up and walking over to the bars. “That had to do with the last man who put his hands on her?”
He fucking laughs this time. “It wasn’t the last man who put his hands on her.”
“You’re right. Because that was me. And let me tell you, she hasn’t missed you at all since she’s been with me.” I laugh. He starts to lunge for the bars but someone slams the door shut and distracts him. I just shake my head as he leaves. I’m not sure why it brings me so much joy to make him so angry. I just hope that Axe already has her out of the city.
And the reality sets in that I’m not sure when the next time I’ll be able to see her is.
I lay in the cell for more hours until it opens again. This time it’s not Darren that walks in. “Your attorney’s here.”
I sit in the room, just waiting for her.
“Z.” She smiles at me as she walks in, sitting down across from me. “It doesn’t look great. But you have one brilliant piece of information that could save your case.”
