“Do you think that there’s an alternative universe where you give me the world and the baby is yours?”
“Definitely.”
“I hope that every night when I close my eyes, I’m there.”
“Then that’s where I’ll meet you.”
Any other time, anyone else, I would hate what I just said, but losing her right now, I could give a fuck less what it is.
“Can we just acknowledge how fucking cheesy we’re being?” She giggles.
It makes me laugh as well. Shaking my head because I know that it’s not half as cheesy as I fucking want to be. “I want to do something…” I shake my head, hating the person she’s turned me in to. “But you can’t mock me.”
“Well now, I’m intrigued.”
I lean onto the bike, sitting sideways and then pull her towards me. “I meant what I said. My offer never expires.”
“Don’t promise that.”
“Do you remember what I said when we first met?”
“There’s a lot to ground there.”
It makes me laugh again. “You had just called me a fuccboi.”
She bites her lip. “About frivolous relationships?” she pauses and then shakes her head. “What does that have to do with this?”
“In my entire life, I have only met one person who I thought could be anything else but frivolous.”
“Zane—”
“Shh. Tatum, just let me say this.” Looking up at her and she looks interested. My hand seems to have a mind of its own when as it slides over her stomach. “Shit, I’m already jealous thinking about you showing. I’ll always keep an eye on you, even if it drives me absolutely insane. And Tatum, I’m always here for you. Whatever you need. Just say the word.”
“I want you to find someone who makes you happy.”
“I will, as soon as you do.”
“There’s no need for both of us being miserable.”
“Baby, trying to find someone else to be happy with and being miserable without you has the same end results.” I shake my head. “Now, get on the bike before I change my mind and lock you inside.” I joke. She knows I would never do that.
But she hesitates, smirking, looking up at me as if she wants me to do that. Shaking my head. “Get on.” I demand of her before she pouts a bit. It’s adorable, and it’s killing me. I turn around, switching the bike alive.
I drive through the desert slower than I ever have before. Normally the vibration of the bike underneath me and the open fucking road makes me feel alive, but now… it just feels bleak.
I feel her hand tighten into a ball and can feel her body behind me shake. I don’t need to look back to know that she’s crying into my back. I can’t stop to console her right now, because my own goddamn tears are threatening because with each second, with each mile, I drive us closer to our end. Closer to when I have to let her go.
Linc told me years ago that I was reacting because I felt a certain way, and I know that deep down I knew it, but I couldn’t let myself feel it. I couldn’t bring her into whatever the fuck my life has become.
And I couldn’t even tell you when it happened, maybe that’s because I fought for so long against it, or maybe it’s just been since that first night I’ve been fucking in love with Tatum, if only I could have let her know that sooner.
Now, I just have to live with the consequences of my action, or inactions, and let her be the one who got away.
But if I ever get a sliver of a chance, there’ll be no one else for either of us.
Pulling back up to the house, I move around back until we’re concealed by the treeline and I sigh, not wanting to let her go, but knowing that I can’t keep her either.
I don’t turn the bike off as I press it into neutral and move the kickstand down, pulling my helmet off. Helping her off from behind me, she lifts her helmet up and hands it to me. I move without even taking my eyes off of her, securing it into place.
