“That’s why we never speak about it.”
“Yeah…”
He trails off as if he doesn’t want to agree to that, or maybe because we’re both thinking how sex with someone new is generally awkward. And both of us feeling comfortable mostlikely means that at some point we’re going to cave.
Keeping one time a secret, sure.
Keeping a recurrent fuck buddy a secret is much, much harder.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asks me.
“Yeah, it’s just sex.”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”
“I’m fine.”
“Drew…” he trails off, as if he’s afraid to ask me anything else.
“This is just sex. You don’t need to pretend to care.”
It’s a defense I’ve developed over the years. Don’t let people in, and you won’t get hurt. Apparently, someone murdering both your parents when you’re sixteen will fuck you up. Who knew?
“I know that’s what you said.” He nods his head as if he doesn’t believe me.
We lie looking at one another and feeling as if the air in the room is shifting.
“You want me to leave?” he asks.
The logical side of my brain is telling me to say yes, tell him to leave, cut this off before we tiptoe into territory that I’m not comfortable talking about with him.
But every other fiber of my being is telling me to tell him to stay. Talk with him. Open up. Let this feeling of safety last a little longer.
Opening my mouth to say something, looking at him, not really sure what’s about to come out of my mouth.
The knocking on the door breaks the moment and lets me not have to decide as my eyes widen.
“Shit,” we both whisper as I look around the room for our clothes, remembering that we left them in the living room.
“Damnit,” I mutter again as a second round of knocking starts, and I feel like I hear someone call out, but can’t hear what they’re saying.
The key in the lock brings out a panic.
“Shit, shit, shit.” I gasp out as I look over at Eli. “It’s Z.”
“How do you know?”
“He’s the only one with a key.”
Eli’s eyes widen as I say it. He looks around, and I see the fact that our clothes are all out in the living room register with him.
Grabbing a towel, I wrap it around me and move out of the bedroom as I hear the chain stop the door from opening.
“Drew!”he shouts into the apartment as I enter the living room.
“Chill out.” I try to keep my own voice calm, peering at him through the tiny crack the chain allows. “Why are you so impatient? Hold on, I just got out of the shower, and I’m not dressed.”
He lets me close the door before I frantically grab the clothes around the room, throwing Eli’s at him as I walk back into the bedroom.
