She nods her head.
“I don’t. I mean, I didn’t think I ever did. But with… I — I don’t know.” Stopping myself before I tell her that was all before she weaseled her way into my psyche.
26
Sitting at my desk, I’m writing a vague report about the chapel when I hear the conversation happening next to me. It’s been a little over a month since everything went down, but I’ve been dragging my feet on the report until my lieutenant called me out on it.
“We got it!”someone shouts as they walk into the bullpen.
There’re some cheers, but I know what Shepard is talking about. I’ve been off the clock for the last hour, but I can’t bring myself to go home because if I do, all I’ll be able to think about is the same thing that’s been plaguing my mind every second I’m alone: a life with her that was in my grasp but I can’t have.
“Why you still here?” Collins asks me as he flops down in the chair.
“Don’t want to be home.”
He glances over my shoulder and notices the report I’m working on.
“Ah, I see.”
“It’s more than that.” I shake my head, still not looking away from the computer.
“What is it? You’ve been weird since you responded to that call the other day.”
“What’s next?” Someone calls out to Shepard, thankful for someone breaking our conversation.
“We’re reviewing the footage we got, and then we have to get the warrant. You guys know it has to be airtight. We have to make sure it sticks. He can’t slip out of it this time. He killed Sherman, and we’re gonna make sure he pays for it.” They’ve now gained my full attention.
“You gonna go warn him?”
“No.” I debate confiding in him what’s going on, what she told me, but decide against it before moving out of the station.
Pulling up outside the clubhouse, I sigh, not wanting to go inside, having to compartmentalize what happened at the hospital.
Walking through the front door, I see a blur of people moving around.
I say nothing at first, as a few people notice me, all giving me questioning looks.
“Where’s Z?” I finally call to a prospect as I see him in the lounge.
“In a meeting.”
“Well, go get him.”
“No.”
“Goddamnit,”I snap, looking back up at him. “I don’t have time for this shit. Where the hell is he? Having church?” I shout back as I toss my phone at him and move down the hallway.
“You can’t go in!”he’s shouting, moving behind me.
Banging on the door, I wait. The prospect is nearly shitting himself as he looks at me and hears shuffling on the other side.
“Zane, open the damn door!”I shout this time as I rap on it.
The door flings open as Zeke glares at me. “The fucking nerve —”
“Shut the fuck up.” I push past him. I’m aware of the number of guns pointed at me as I enter the room. “Chill out.” Not calming them, but not giving a shit either. “He’s got my phone. My gun’s in the bike. This can’t wait.”
“What is it?” Z looks at me, intrigued.
