“If we’re going to be honest, I out-stupided you one thousand times over.”
“Be nice to yourself. Maybe just three quarters of that.”
“I recognized one of the photos, Honey. It was that one you sent me of Trey and you on Cannery Row. From last year. Trey must be feeding her old photos, so it looks like the two of you are hanging out doing stuff between set times. Like you’re still together! It’s really weird. He’s such a psycho.”
I press my fingers into my temples and try to take deep breaths. “You probably shouldn’t be looking either. It doesn’t matter.”
“I can’t not look.” She blows out another puff of air. “I want everyone to know that it’s bullshit.”
“Leave it alone, Cat. He’ll do anything and everything to make sure nothing tarnishes his name.Please.Leave it alone. I don’t care. I just have to outlast all this. Eventually, he’ll run out of photos or find someone else or…” I wrap my arms around my chest as another flashback hits me, a hard punch, knocking the breath out of me. Trey, his hands gripping the steering wheel, his eyes on mine for way too long while we careen around a sharp curve. “Option two, Honey, we drive off the road and we go over one of these beautiful scenic cliffs together. Because if I can’t be with you, we’re both dying.”
“I’ve got to go,” Cat says, while I try to breathe through the flashback.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
I try to concentrate on the jangle of keys on the other side of the phone. The soft thump of Cat putting something down on her desk. “My first class starts in five minutes. I’ve got to do some deep breathing. Maybe take a Valium, so I appear to be grounded and mentally stable.” A pause. “I’m just kidding. Sort of. Love you. Find good things today.”
“You too,” I tell her, pushing the words out. “Wait! What was the name of that horse ranch?”
“Ummm… I don’t know. Lucky Corral or Lucky Four-Leaf Clover or something. It’s not a ranch anymore.”
“Okay. Thanks, Cat. Love you.”
On the way back to the cottage, the sun slowly breaks through the clouds. Instead of dwelling on Trey, I let my mind turn to John Fox. I want to see him again. Today.Justsee him. That’s all. Even if it’s a glimpse. Just enough to get me through the now—a small, good thing—like a square of chocolate or a bath or reading a good book just to move me forward.
I don’t regret last night. And Idefinitelydon’t regret that kiss. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t kiss him properly.
“Come on, big guy. You’re lagging.” I pull two treats from my treat bag and hold them up. “You want one or two?”
He catches up at the sound of me fumbling with the treat bag. “Both? Okay.”
He sits on his haunches and cocks his head. I grimace at his muddy paws and belly. “Evidently, we’re both going to need another shower.”
We take the same path back to the cottage. A golf cart’s parked on the other side of the downed tree. Danni, tool belt strung across her waist and a ball cap shading her delicate features, is snapping photos of the tree. She smiles and waves when she sees Monster and me.
I met Danni briefly when she knocked on my door a day after I moved in. She brought me a beautiful fruit and veggie basket from the farmer’s market and gave me her direct cell number “in case I should need anything.” Under any other circumstance, I would want to be her best friend, and I would have “needed something” earlier, just to invite her over for coffee and chat. She seems kind and level-headed. I like her, and I don’t want to lie to her face. I’ve tried to stay clear of her, so that I don’t have to force myself to be guarded and standoffish. Which, ironically, may be exactly what I’ve been coming across as.
My goal is to keep moving with a quick hi, but Danni leaps in front of us like a line blocker, thwarting any movement forward, so that I either I have to dodge her or stop, like a normal, polite person, acknowledge her presence, and make small talk.
“Hi, Wren! I was just on my way to your cottage and discovered this big obstacle here. We’ll get it taken care of by the end of the day, hopefully, so you don’t have to climb over it.”
My smile feels tight and probably looks forced.
“Also, I was going to pop over to your cottage and ask if I could measure your back porch.” She pulls out her phone and shows me a photo of two adorable rocking chairs and a loveseat. “Somebody brought it into Seventh Heaven, and Skye’s holding it for me. Because your cottage is smaller, I thought it would be nice for you to have a place to sit in the frontandin the back, depending on the time of day. I’m sorry we didn’t have much on the back porch before. The furniture we had was dilapidated, so we had to get rid of it. What do you think?”
“It’s nice. But please don’t feel like you have to get anything for me.”
“That’s okay. It’s a long-term investment in this cottage that you can enjoy now.” She smiles. “It should hold up in the weather. We all tried out the chairs and loveseat to make sure they’re comfortable, so I hope you’ll like them. If not, we’ll find something else.” She bends down and scratches Monster. He plops on his haunches and pants happily, his tail flipflopping back and forth on the sand.
“You’re a sweet little Monster,” Danni croons. She stands and points at my sketchbook sticking out of my satchel. “You draw?”
“Very,verycasually.” I flip through the sketchbook and show her the sketch I did a few days ago of two oak trees melded together. “This was over by the fence.” I wave a hand toward thepath. “Are these yours and your husband’s initials? D.H. and H.M.”
She takes the notebook from me, smiling. “It’s a long story, but yes. My friend, Cassie, and I called that double-trunk oak The Twins.” Her finger lightly traces the heart around the initials on one of the trunks. “Sounds crazy, but I don’t remember carving this, even though I did. I was in a car accident, had amnesia, and lost a few years, including my memories of Bear and the first time we fell in love. I returned to Heaven eleven years after the accident, running from a big mistake of a wedding that didn’t happen.” She stares down at the sketchbook, absentmindedly rubbing at a scar on her neck. “It was a mess. Hurricane Edna was biting my butt the last half of the trip. And…” She smiles. “Long story short, Bear and I had our second chance.” She slides a finger to the second set of initials on the same tree. “These are more recent.” She hands me back the sketchpad.
