“Who’s ready for a hot dog?” Muriel asks, effectively distracting the entire group. I seriously love that woman.
“Dad? Why are you holding Farrah’s hand?” The frown on Finn’s face makes my stomach drop. I’m horrible. I didn’t even think about what he might have to say about this new development.
Knox squats down to get on Finn’s level. I’ve come to admire the way he interacts with his son. I worried for a while that he was as mean to Finn as he was to me, but once I started paying attention, it became clear that Knox is a totally different person around him.
“Farrah and I decided we’d like to spend a little more time together as more than friends.”
“Are you guys going to get married?”
The blood drains from my face. I made a vow when my ex went to prison that I’d never put myself in that position again. I wasn’t going to be beholden to a man in any capacity. Is that something Knox would want?
I most definitely did not think any of this through. Damn my hormones for making decisions for me.
“I don’t know, buddy. That’s something we’ll have to figure out in time.”
Good answer. At least he didn’t panic the way I did. I’d have stuttered and given a nonanswer that wouldn’t have been enough for Finn to accept.
Finn looks up at me. “Does this mean you’ll come over to our house and play with me sometimes?”
I laugh, the tension in my body draining in seconds. “Yeah, kiddo. I’d love to come over and play with you.”
“Careful. He’s a menace when it comes to card games,” Knox warns.
“Had your butt handed to you a couple of times, have you?”
Knox grunts as Finn brags, “I beat him in War almost every time.”
“You think that’s funny?” Knox grabs Finn and chucks him into the air.
He squeals, his giggles ringing through the air while Knox tickles him. “Farrah! Help me!”
I wrap my arms around Finn, shielding him from Knox’s attack. I take off running, but Knox grabs us before I can get very far.
“I see how it is. You two are going to gang up on me now.”
I look at Finn. His grin is full of mischief as he nods at his dad. Knox playfully growls and tickles both of us at the same time. I screech, the sensation completely foreign to me. I’m only just now realizing I’ve never been tickled before. I definitely do not like the feeling, but why is it making me laugh?
“Okay, okay! I give up.” I wave the proverbial white flag.
“That’s what I thought,” Knox says triumphantly. He leads us back to the bonfire right as Holt races toward a giggling Leah and a terrified Gia. Somehow, they’ve managed to catch their hot dog on fire. Holt snatches the stick out of Gia’s hand and promptly extinguishes theflames.
“We should definitely leave the roasting to your dad,” Gia quips. “Who knew a hot dog would catch fire the way a marshmallow does?”
Gwen snorts. “Pretty much everyone.”
Gia makes a face. “Yeah, that’s fair.”
Knox grabs a couple of roasting sticks and handles cooking our food. Music begins playing through a speaker, and conversations flow around us. I’m glad nobody is giving Knox and me too much crap for our silent declaration. I need time to wrap my head around everything that happened tonight before I can even attempt to talk to someone else about it.
Gia and Gwen have made it clear they’re going to want all the details later. Which is good—I’ll need their perspectives on what I should do next.
I never imagined wanting to be in a relationship with a man again. I’m still not sure I’m ready for this change, but Knox has gotten under my skin. I think about him more often than not, and I know I’d be doing myself a disservice if I pushed him away just because I’m scared of falling back into old patterns.
Knox isn’t anything like my father or my ex. Even when he was being an ass, he wanted me to push back. He expected me to get angry, and at times it felt like he encouraged it. We’ll have to talk about it at some point. We’ll have to talk about a lot of things, but I’m confident in the knowledge that whatever happens, I’ll be safe to be myself with him.
There’s freedom in that kind of assurance. It excites me to explore a relationship where we’ve seen each other at our worst already. It levels the playing field and opens the doors to being vulnerable with each other.
The biggest test will be if Knox willingly walks through that door.
