I pull the light grey bedspread down and gently settle her into bed. I take her shoes off before covering her with her blanket and then press a kiss to her forehead.
“Knox?”
“Yeah, baby.”
“Don’t go.”
“What?”
She opens her eyes, looking up at me with longing. “Stay with me. Please.”
I stare at Farrah for a long moment before nodding. I strip off my boots and then my shirt as she scoots to the middle of her bed. I climb in behind her, ignoring how uncomfortable I am in my jeans. When Farrah wakes up in the morning, I’mnot going to terrify her with being practically naked in her bed when I’m sure she just asked me to stay because she’s drunk.
Farrah cuddles into my chest, breathing out a contented sigh. She’s asleep again within minutes, while I lie awake for a long time. I card my fingers through her soft hair. My thoughts are racing with questions.
Am I ready to take on this magnitude of a relationship?
Farrah isn’t the type of woman you half-ass anything with. She’s strong and wonderful and worth putting in the effort for.
It’s been a long time since I’ve opened myself up to someone. I’m not good at being vulnerable. I don’t think I’ve ever let someone fully in. It was one of the many things Leona would get pissed at me about. I wasn’t “emotionally available” to her, and yet any time I’d try to talk with her about our life or future, she’d clam up instead of talking to me. I gave up, and ever since, talking about my emotions has only made me want to shut down.
Farrah’s the first woman who’s ever made me want to try. There’s something inside her that calls to me. It’s what pissed me off when I first met her. Her magnetism drew me in, and I was not about to let another woman try to disrupt my entire life the way Leona did.
At least, not until Grayson verbally smacked me upside the head. He made me realize I was putting my triggers onto Farrah, which I knew wasn’t fair to her.
She’s everything good in this world, despite the horrors I have no doubt she’s experienced. I’m in awe of the way she lives every day with a smile on her face. I took my trauma and wrapped it around me like fucking armor while she threw herself into finding the joy in life.
I hated her for that…and simultaneously wanted to surround myself with it.
How can she lie here by my side when all I’ve done is dragher down into the mud? I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why she willingly let me touch her after all the shit I spewed at her.
I’m also selfish enough to never ask. I don’t particularly care why she let me into her life. I want to be here.
This is where I was supposed to be all along. By her side, lifting her up when she isn’t strong enough to do it on her own.
And the bottom line is, I don’t want to go back to the life I had before. The only bright light I had was Finn. It’s not fair to force that kind of pressure on him. I’m responsible for finding my own happiness, and now that I’ve gotten a peek at what it can feel like, I’m not sure I could let her go even if it was the right thing to do.
Farrah’s brought more joy into my life in the few weeks since we crossed that line than anything has in years. And that includes Finn, which is a bit of a mindfuck to think about.
I don’t know what the future has in store for us, but I’m determined to give this relationship everything I have left to give.
I just hope that it’ll be enough to keep her.
CHAPTER 29
Farrah
Ithink someone stabbed a pencil into my brain.
Ughhhh.
I try to roll over, but the weight across my waist doesn’t allow me to move. I freeze. My heart starts to pound as I take stock of my body. My pain is in my head, not my face, and the only time Alex held on to me this way is after he felt the need to stake his claim. Nothing in my lower half is sore. I don’t understand what’s happening.
“Good morning, Princess.” The deep rumbling voice makes me look over my shoulder. The second I register that Knox is behind me, not my ex, my entire body melts into the mattress. Jesus, I haven’t woken up that afraid in years.
I try to remember the events of last night that led to Knox being in my bed. I can’t quite fit the pieces together. I’m not mad about it, especially given that I’m still wearing my dress. I just don’t know how we got here.
“Hi,” I whisper.
