I want her more every minute we’re together, but I know she needs time. It hurts to see her pull away when our kisses turn a little heated. It makes me want to kill whoever put thathesitation in her. I don’t need her to tell me that she’s been abused. If she physically hadn’t flinched away from me, I’d still have seen it in her eyes. It’s the same look I had for a long time after my dad died.
What I can’t figure out is how long she’s been away from the abuse or how far it went.
So I’ve held myself back as much as I can. I want her to come to me when she’s ready. I want her to trust me to take care of her. I’d never push her further than she wants me to, but I have to prove that to her first. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get there.
Finn tapping on my arm shakes me out of my thoughts. “Daddy, can we go home now?”
“Of course, buddy. Let’s go say our goodbyes.”
He holds my hand as we make our rounds with Farrah at our side. We feel like a family. A few months ago, I’d probably have said something shitty to shove that feeling away. Now, all I want to do is hug Farrah and Finn a little tighter. The switch is a little jarring, but I can’t say I hate it.
I’ve had time to come to terms with how Leona ruined my view of family. Pushing my emotions down was the only way I could survive my childhood, so that’s how I made it through what happened with Leona as well. Except all it did was make me a bitter, angry man.
I’m determined to let go of those emotions to focus on the two people who have made my life a whole lot better.
Farrah and Finn walk hand in hand to my truck while I trail behind them. Finn’s telling her a big story about the fort they built last night. He wants to build one in his playroom now, and she’s giving him advice on the best tools to use to make it sturdy.
“Will you have a sleepover at our house tonight?” Finn asks as she helps him into his seat.
She turns to look at me in question, and I shrug at her, making it clear it’s up to her.
“We’ll need to stop at my house to get some clothes, but I’d love to,” she says.
Finn cheers, agreeing to the request as if he’s the one driving. I don’t mind. I’m not ready for her to go home yet either, so I’ll take any excuse for her to stay with us just a little longer.
* * *
“What the heck? How do you keep winning every round?” Farrah laments from the kitchen table. I smirk, knowing exactly how she feels.
Finn giggles. “I don’t know. Daddy says I count cards, but I don’t understand how that’s cheating. I already know there’s fifty-two of them.”
Farrah laughs. “I think your daddy was being a silly goose.”
That tickles Finn so much he almost loses his balance in his seat at the kitchen table. I’m putting the finishing touches on dinner while they play War. It’s brought me an odd amount of satisfaction that Farrah hasn’t fared any better against Finn than I do.
“Hey, now. I have never been a goose, let alone a silly one, in my life.”
My statement makes both of them laugh even harder. I’d take offense, but I love seeing the two of them in cahoots. I bring dinner over to the table, dishing up a plate for Farrah first and then setting another one in front of Finn.
“This looks amazing, Knox. Thank you for cooking,” Farrah says as she digs in.
Finn talks around his mouth full of food. “Daddy is the best cook.”
“Let’s be safe and chew our food before we talk, buddy.”
He nods, following my instructions before he begins again. “He makes the best spaghetti and meatballs. I like this dinner too, but it’s not my favorite.”
Farrah asks what his other favorites are, and from there, they talk about everything they love. I’ve learned more about Farrah tonight than I have in the past month. Leave it to my son to show me up when it comes to conversation. I’ve never been one for small talk, but I’m realizing I probably should’ve asked her more questions.
I soak up the information like I’ll be tested on it.
She loves to watch the sunset and eat rocky road ice cream on her back porch when it’s warm out. Her favorite color is yellow, she has a stuffed rabbit she’s kept since she was a little girl, and she usually spends her evenings reading.
I feel like a boring old man when I realize I don’t have answers to any of the questions Finn asks. I couldn’t pick a favorite color or flavor of ice cream if my life depended on it. I don’t have a preference for watching the sunset or a hobby I enjoy.
I must be the lamest man on the planet. And when I say so, Farrah laughs.
“You’re not lame, you just have different things you prioritize.”
