“You don’t even know me,” I said.
He smiled slightly. “I don't need to in order to help you Chanel. Sometimes we just need someone.”
And for some reason, I believed that I needed Charles.
2017
My life looked exactly how it was supposed to.
At least that's what those on the outside would think. I had a title people respected. I was now the Assistant District Attorney in Kellertown. This exact position was the kind of job my professors used to say would open doors for me. It was the kind of job my parents prayed over when I first said I wanted to go to law school. Landing it is what made my in-laws’ bourgeois ass friends sit up a little straighter when Charles introduced me at social gatherings.
I had a husband with a last name, Hughes, that carried weight in rooms I used to feel invisible in. Charles had done exactly what he said he would do. He helped me study, and he helped me focus. We built something that looked stable from the outside. His family made sure I had access to things I wouldn’t have had on my own. Because of them, I got into law school. Yeah, my LSAT was high, but my GPA was low, and they pulled strings to get me a full scholarship. I landed all of the best internships, and my first position after law school was a clerkship for a federal judge. Judge Salim Coleman was ruthless, but he was well respected and made introductions for me withseveral law firms and local politicians. The trajectory Charles ’ family put me on mattered.
And now, I had a home that reflected all of it. Charles and I lived in a five-bedroom craftsman-style home with a huge backyard and a white picket fence. We both worked long hours. I’m in the courtroom and Charles at his family’s stuffy ass law firm,Hughes and Fichman, logging enough billable hours to afford any luxury we could want in this world. We had a housekeeper who kept our house spotless, and I had a closet filled with the best designer clothes. My heel collection alone was deemed as #goals on Instagram.
Everything was in place. Nothing was out of line, and that right there was the problem. I stood in the kitchen that morning, dressed in a fitted navy suit, my hair pulled back neatly, reviewing notes for a case I was arguing later that day. The house was still, except for the soft hum of the refrigerator and the faint sound of cartoons playing from the living room.
Genesis was awake.
I could hear her little voice giggling to herself in the living room. The talking dogs on the TV fully entertained her.
I glanced at the clock.
7:42 a.m.
I had time. I set my folder down and walked into the living room.
She was sitting on the floor, legs tucked under her, hair slightly messy from sleep, her little hands wrapped around a toy she had insisted on carrying to bed the night before. When she saw me, her entire face lit up.
“Mama.”
Her voice was soft but excited, like she had been waiting for me.
The sight of her sweet face melted my heart. No matter how busy I got, I couldn’t help but take a moment and snuggle withmy rainbow baby. I walked over and crouched down in front of her, smoothing her hair back gently.
“Hey, baby,” I said quietly.
She reached for me immediately, climbing into my lap from instinct. I loved that my baby knew I would always catch her.
I held her there for a moment longer than I probably should have.
Breathing her in. Letting myself feel the softness of her cheek and feel the warmth of her skin. I was so grateful for moments like this. They were small but made this boring ass mundane life feel worth it. My Genesis made everything right. Staring into her little eyes was my daily confirmation that I had done what I needed to do to build a life that made sense.
But as soon as Genesis would go to her Nanny Justice’s house, I would feel this empty hole in my chest. As Justice was arriving for her shift, I began packing my briefcase for the day. That feeling slipped in before I could stop it. The intrusion of unhappiness slipped into my conscious thoughts, slowly and uninvited.
What would it have felt like to hold Xander like I held Genesis?
The thought came and went quickly. I walked over to Genesis and I pressed a kiss to her forehead and stood up, setting her back down gently.
“I have to get ready, okay?”
She nodded, already turning back to her toy like nothing in the world could interrupt her again.
I watched her for a second before turning away.
Charles walked in just as I was heading back toward the kitchen. He was already dressed in his pristine navy suit. He had a grin on his face and looked jovial as if he woke up knowing exactly who he was supposed to be every day and he was living the life he was meant to live.
I couldn’t say the same thing about myself. I never imagined being married to anyone except Xavier. I thought I would be a defense attorney slated to get my brother out of prison. Instead Jared had made peace with doing life in jail and my parents acted as if the Hughes walked on water and co-signed any career trajectory Charles’ parents laid out for me.
