I meet his gaze, looking into the eyes of the man who has my entire heart and soul. Although I know he doesn’t want to cause me any issues, it doesn’t change the fact that trailing around after him on tour for multiple weeks is wearing me down. I’ve put on a brave face, burying some of my frustrations because I want to be with him and don’t want to rock the boat any more than I already have, but I can’t hold it all in any longer.
“Maybe I should’ve brought this up sooner. Every time I have an issue, I’ve let it go, hoping it would miraculously improve on its own.” I glance at the table for a brief moment. “The truth is, I’m starting to struggle. Being on the road with you is great and challenging at the same time.”
He swallows. “Can you tell me more about what you mean?”
I nod, exhaling deeply. “Everyone is coming and going on the bus. My meetings are constantly interrupted. No one seems to think it’s a big enough deal to do anything about it. I’ve kept it to myself, not wanting to be the reason whyanotherchange is forced upon everyone. I know your band and crew are frustrated by some of the previous ones you’ve implemented.”
“They’re not frustrated?—”
“Yeah, they are. People talk, Jake. Maybe not to you, but it gets back to me.”
He clenches his jaw, squinting his eyes. “Who is saying shit? Give me names and I’ll tell them to shut their fucking mouths.”
“I’m not going to call people out so you can lecture them. That will only make the situation worse.”
“Fine,” he mutters. He takes a deep breath, his face softening as he reaches across the table and holds my hand. “Is there anything else bothering you, besides people coming and going on the bus?”
“Yeah.” I drag my teeth across my lower lip and look sideways. “The late nights are getting old. It was fine for the first couple of weeks, but now my body is used to staying up until 2 or 3 a.m. multiple nights a week. It’s significantly disrupting my sleep pattern during the rest of the week.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” he asks, his voice filled with genuine concern.
“What am I supposed to say? ‘Can you please go on stage earlier because my circadian rhythm needs me in bed by 11 p.m.?’”
Jake chuckles, squeezing my hand. “Fair point. Not much I can do about what time I go on stage.”
I drop my head back, leaning against the wall. “That’s part of the challenge. I know you can’t do anything about the late nights. I just don’t know how to adjust my life to accommodate them. It makes me wonder…”
A wave of concern grows across his face, his jaw tightens, and his lips press firmly together. “Wonder what?” he asks, a hint of worry in his tone.
I sigh, dropping my head into my hands. “How can I balance being with you and having the career I’ve always envisioned? There are days when everything seems to work, and other times when it seems so obvious that I can’t have it all.”
“Oh,” he murmurs, letting go of my hand and running both of his through his hair, his face stricken with anguish. “What does that mean for us?”
Oh God. He’s worried I’m telling him I’ll have to choose between him and my career. Even if that were the case, I’d choose Jake every time.
I stand, reaching out for him to join me. Once he’s next to me, I wrap my arms around his neck, inhaling his intoxicating scent and looking directly into his eyes. “I’m always going to choose you, Jake. No matter what.”
All the panic on his face disappears, replaced by a smile.
“I’m just starting to accept that more of my life will likely need to change in the short-term and long-term than I realized. I was naive to think I could have it all. Be able to effortlessly balance everything. And that’s impossible. No one can.”
“I should’ve better prepared you. I’m so used to this lifestyle, I didn’t consider how shocking it would be to your system. It’s all I’ve known for fifteen years, so it feels completely normal to me.”
I chuckle. “Nothing about this lifestyle feels normal.”
“I can’t do much about my schedule for the next year or so, but I can get more involved in planning with my team. Include you in those discussions. Figure out what works best for us.”
“That would be great.”
He grimaces briefly. “Not sure there is anything I can do about an earlier start time for my shows, though. Late nights are kinda a musician thing.”
I laugh, tilting my head back slightly. “It’s the thought that counts. Although I do think there’s an untapped market for earlier concerts. The thirty-and-over crowd would love to be in bed by 10 p.m.”
“Happy to suggest that to Jason and Alex to see what they say,” he teases.
I brush my lips against his. “Can you try to stop getting naked during my meetings? Jeremy has been texting me nonstop about how hot you are.”
“Glad to be of service,” he says with a wink.
