“It’s complicated.” I glance at the table while I try to find the right words to describe my conflicting emotions. “I want other people to hear it because it’s incredible. Jason’s right about how this song could be a massive success for your career. But...”
He gulps. “You’re not sure whether it’s the best idea to release it.”
I nod. “I don’t know if I can handle any more drama in my life right now. I’m already at max capacity, and we still have finding my dad hanging over us. Maybe once things settle down, we can talk about it again. You don’t have to finalize the album for a little bit, so we have time.”
Jake rests his forehead against mine. “Yes. We have plenty of time to discuss it. Just know I’m serious about never letting anyone else hear this song if you don’t want it out in the world. You come first—always.” Jake exhales deeply. “I’m sorry you’re getting roped into all of this. If I could protect you from the outside noise, I would.”
I don’t doubt that for one minute. But he can’t control what others do. None of us can. It’s one of the hardest lessons to learn in life.
That’s what scares me the most. The potential of somehow ending up in a situation where the only option is to end our relationship to stop the trauma inflicted upon us from escalating. And knowing there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I pray that day never comes. That we’re not faced with the choice of our mental well-being versus being together.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
kate
Just rip off the bandage,Kate. Call your mom and tell her youmightwant to meet your dad. What’s the worst she can do? Yell at you about it. Been there, done that.
It’ll be fine. I’m an adult. I can do this. Or that’s what I keep telling myself as I stare at my phone, trying to procrastinate for a few more minutes before calling.
Fuck it.
After tapping my mom’s name, I hold my breath as I sit on the couch on the bus. Although Jake offered to be by my side, I’m determined to have this conversation alone. As much as I know he doesn’t believe any of the hurtful things she can say about me, it doesn’t mean I want him to hear them.
“Hello, Katherine. What do I owe this pleasure?”
Great. The passive-aggressive bullshit is starting already. Why can’t she be happy that I’m talking to her, rather than taking a jab at me about the frequency of my calls?
Do not let her bait you into an argument. We’re not doing that shit today.
“Wanted to give you a quick update on how Jake’s team is handling the increasing attention we’re getting,” I respond in aneerily calm tone. I spend the next couple of minutes filling her in on our plans to find a more suitable housing option in Chicago, the potential impact of Jake’s upcoming album, and how his team is attempting to corral the media. Unsurprisingly, none of it meets her unrealistic expectations.
“One would think, if Jake had the best people on his team, they would’ve handled this nonsense by now,” my mom replies coldly. “Perhaps he needs to reevaluate the caliber of the so-called experts working for him.”
I wince, picturing Anna hearing my mom say those words. The five-foot-four-inch blonde would launch into the most polite Southern takedown this world has ever seen. Now that I think about it…is it too late to add Anna to this call? Allow her to fire back at some of my mom’s wrath? At least that would be entertaining.
With a hand on my chest, I inhale and exhale deeply before responding, “Jake’s team is the best-of-the-best, especially when it comes to PR. What we’re going through is solely because any drama is considered breaking news until something bigger comes along. Eventually, it will die down.” Or that’s the lie I’m telling myself because it can’t possibly be like this forever.
“Is that all you have?” she asks, acting as if I’m interrupting her from something important when she mentioned earlier how she was sitting on the front porch doing nothing.
I clear my throat, forcing myself to be brave and blurt out what I need to say before she can have too big a reaction and stop me. “With the increased interest in my personal life, we felt it was best to hire a private investigator to locate my father. Try to find information about his whereabouts and lifestyle before someone else does.” I purposefully leave out my own interests in locating my dad and how I’ve wanted to search for him for years, because I know that will only make the situation ten times worse.
“Oh.” Her tone is laced with bitterness. “Let me guess, Jake’s team is worried your father will come out of the woodwork, looking to make a quick buck off Chase Elliott. Wouldn’t surprise me at all.”
I clench my jaw, grinding my teeth. “I’m sure there is always a concern that anyone from my past or Jake’s could choose to capitalize on his fame, but this is more about wanting to control the narrative. If someone else brings up my dad, we have to play defense. Finding him allows us to have a full picture and determine how and when we want to use that information.”
“I see,” she replies sharply. “Does this mean you’ll be meeting him? Wanting a relationship with him after everything he’s done to you. To me.”
Here we go. This is what I expected. Her indignation about all of it.
How should I handle this? Blatantly lie, pretending I have zero interest in meeting my dad. Or be honest because I don’t know what I’ll do. There are too many variables to make that decision at this moment. The nonconfrontational part of me wants to go with the first option, telling a white lie to end this conversation. The stupid adult part of me decides the latter is the only suitable option.
Why does being an adult have to suck so much?
Exhaling deeply, I close my fists tight, digging my nails into my palms, feeling the small flicker of pain for a brief moment before answering, “I don’t know, Mom. It really depends on what information we find once we’re able to locate him. He could be dead, for all I know.”
“That might be the best-case scenario,” she mutters, quiet enough it’s difficult to hear her clearly, but loud enough to make out what she says. Almost daring me to confirm it.Not going near that one.“I don’t see why you would wantthat maninyour life. He walked out on us decades ago. Doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know?”
