Kate tenses a bit at the mention of kids, and I immediately know I should’ve kept that comment to myself. It’s not that we haven’t talked about the future and wanting to have a family—it’s just that Kate’s methodical, needing more time to process everything before moving forward. Meanwhile, I’m ready to jump into the deep end, no questions asked. It’s a balancing act, making it clear to Kate that I’m committed to our future, while also not freaking her the fuck out.
“You can see our kids playing here?” she asks, surprising me with her directness.
Based on her initial reaction, I assumed she might want to gloss over it and pretend I never said it. This could be an interesting development.
She adjusts her position, laying her head in my lap and looking up at me.
“Yeah. I think about it a lot. What the future will look like for us. How we’ll be splitting time between two places for the next few years. Getting a dog together. Planning our wedding. What it’ll be like when we have our first child. You know…all the important things in life.”
Smiling, I’m completely mesmerized by her eyes. I slowly drag my fingertips up and down her arm, eliciting a ripple of goosebumps, even though the heat index makes it in the mid-nineties. “There is so much I want to experience with you.”
“Me too.” She closes her eyes while I gently run my hand through her hair.
It’s crazy how much my life has changed in a year. Before Kate, I’d probably be passed out on the bus or playing video games with the band, definitely not spending the afternoon at a park, watching the clouds roll by. Now, all I want to do is spend more time with her. I’ve gone from living to work to working to live.
And I’ve never been fucking happier.
“Where the hell have you been?” Jimmy shouts across the parking lot when Kate and I get back to the amphitheater. He’s probably thirty feet away, and he’s clearly pissed about something. This can’t be good.
“Let me figure out what’s going on with Jimmy. I’ll come find you later,” I say to Kate, pressing a quick kiss to her temple before heading in his direction. Although Jimmy can be dramatic and boisterous, he rarely gets worked up about anything—it’s usually the complete opposite.
“Our glorious leader decides to grace us with his presence,” Jimmy says sarcastically with obvious frustration on his face.
“What’s going on, Jimmy?” I pat him on the shoulder, trying to diffuse the enormous tension he’s carrying.
“Nothing major. Just a bunch of fucking equipment that’s no longer working. We’ve only been scrambling for the past few hours, and you’ve been completely MIA. Not even answering your goddamn phone.”
I wince, remembering how I put my phone on silent when we got to the park and never bothered checking it.
Fuck.
Alex strolls over, barking orders in his headset with a scowl that is more intense than normal. “I don’t care how much it costs. I need it here in the next hour. Make it happen,” he snaps at whoever is on the other end. He stops briefly, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his fists before he joins us. “Did Jimmy fill you in on the shitshow we’re experiencing with equipment?”
“Kinda. Not sure I have all the details,” I reply.
Jimmy throws his hands in the air. “You’d haveallof the fucking information if you’d been around.”
“Chill the fuck out, Jimmy. I’ve got it handled,” Alex tries to reduce the tension.
Good luck with that one. Jimmy never gets worked up, so it’s almost impossible to know what to do to calm him down. Alex’s military background makes him a great leader, able to handle any challenges that come his way without breaking a sweat.
“Here’s what you need to know. No one is really sure how, but a bunch of equipment was damaged in transport. I can’t get it replaced until next week, so we’re going to have to make do with some shitty alternatives. The hope was you could run another soundcheck with the band before the gates opened, but that’s not possible now, given the time.”
I groan, tipping my head back in frustration, knowing how problematic minor changes in equipment can be when you’re on stage and haven’t tested any of it out. While some musiciansmight be fine with winging it, I’m a stickler for not leaving anything to chance when it comes to a performance, making my band feel the same way. Although they likely tested out the new equipment, our process also involves all of us running through a section of the show together during a soundcheck. It’s a routine. A superstition. A requirement for a great show. And now, I’ve screwed that up.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I had my phone turned off when I was with Kate and forgot to turn it on,” I say, starting to pace.
It doesn’t take long until Shane and Zac join the conversation, voicing their own frustrations.
Shane shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans, rocking back on his heels, and chewing on the inside of his mouth. It’s his tell when he’s about to deliver bad news, and based on everyone’s non-existent reactions, it appears I might be the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on yet.
“Listen, there isn’t a good way to say this, so I’m going to be blunt. You’ve changed since you started dating Kate. We’re all happy for you, but it’s starting to impact the band and crew.” Shane glances at Alex, who nods. “Your focus has shifted in the past couple of months, making us question where your priorities lie and how it impacts our livelihood.”
I swallow hard, conflicting emotions running rampant through my mind. “Do all of you feel this way?” I ask, watching their faces intently as everyone nods in agreement.
Fuck.
“You went from being almost too committed to your music, where we’d beg you to take a break, to barely being present. We’ve been on tour for months, and we hardly see you,” Shane replies calmly. “None of us have heard any of the songs on the new album, even though we’re expected to play some of them in the studio in a couple of weeks. How are we expected to be prepared when we don’t know what’s going on?”
