“God, I’ve missed you,”I say, running a hand through my hair as I hold my phone in the other. Only being able to see Kate on FaceTime during the week fucking sucks. She’s spent so much time in Nashville lately that the house feels empty without her presence. Merely a building, not a home.
She’s my home.
“I miss you, too,” she replies, curled up on the couch in her living room with a blanket wrapped around her, even though it’s the middle of the summer.
“I can’t wait to see you this weekend. I hate being away from you.”
She looks away for a second, dragging her teeth across her lower lip. “About that… I can’t go on tour with you this weekend.” She sighs, shaking her head and glancing upward. “I dropped the ball for a client, and she went to my boss about it. Let’s just say Frank was less than thrilled. I need to step up my game and prove to everyone how committed I am. I probably shouldn’t leave Chicago for at least the next two weeks.”
My face falls, and a pang of sadness hits me. We haven’t gone this long without seeing each other since we got back together.Two weeks without her is going to feel like an eternity. It’s barely been a few days and I’m already jonesing to have her in my arms. If I wasn’t in the final stretch of recording the album, I’d hop on a plane and spend the rest of the week in Chicago with her.
“It sucks, but I get it. Your career is important. I don’t expect you to drop everything to be wherever I am.” I push down the hurt I feel inside, not wanting her to feel guilty about something she can’t control. It’s not like she’schoosingwork over me. “We’ll just have to get creative in our communications while we’re apart. I have a few ideas.” I wiggle my eyebrows, making it clear what I’m thinking involves her being naked on camera. For my eyes only.
A blush blooms across her cheeks and neck, and a soft smile appears on her face. “We can definitely talk more about that later. But first, I should probably tell you what else happened.” She pulls her knees to her chest and adjusts the angle of the phone. “The agency lost a deal with a potential new client because of one of my brand partnerships—onetheyapproved. Now I’m questioning whether I should be doing them at all. You know, assuming anyone even wants to work with me after everything that’s happened on socials the past few days.”
“That’s completely up to you. I’ll support whatever you want to do. Might be worth giving Anna a call and getting her opinion. I know she strongly encouraged it. She would be the best one to give you an outside perspective on what’s happened.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll reach out to her.” She pauses for a few seconds, moving on the couch again as if she can’t get comfortable. Unease is clearly written across her face at whatever she’s contemplating, and I can’t help but feel nervous about it.
“What else is going on, Kate?” I ask, instinctively knowing she isn’t sharing the full story with me for some reason. Mostlikely because she’s struggling to process whatever’s happening, or she isn’t sure how I’ll react.
She sighs loudly, blowing out a huge burst of air. “I don’t know. It’s becoming harder to balance everything. When I’m with you, I worry about letting something slide at work. When I’m not with you, I feel crappy overall. It’s like I can’t win either way.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Besides, get a completely new career and move us to a ranch in Montana or something where no one is around us for miles.
“No. It’s all about me stupidly believing the fallacy that I can have it all if I work hard enough. Turns out that might be another lie we’re told as adults becauseIdefinitely can’t.” She covers her face with one hand, shaking her head softly.
I hate seeing her like this, especially when I’m so far away; I know my presence would help calm her anxiety. Hearing the words on a call doesn’t have the same impact as when you’re in the same room.
Frustration rises in me at the fact that I don’t have control over my own life and can’t go see her anytime soon. Hating the separation and the cause for it. I know my work is important, and so is hers, but this is one of those moments when I want us to come first. Screw work.
“I’m worried about how I’ll do this in the future. Have a job that demands so much from me. Spend time physically with you. Have a family.” She sighs again, uncovering her eyes and staring at me on the screen. She looks completely weighed down and exhausted from all of it, like she’s on the edge of spiraling and doesn’t know how to make it stop. “It would be nice if the world cut us a break for once, instead of constantly throwing rocks at us.” Her shoulders slump slightly, turning inward as she wraps her arms around her legs.
“I don’t want to be cliché, but it will be okay. Not sure when, but thingswillget better. We’ll be in the same room in a few weeks, and I’ll give you the biggest hug.” I tilt my head, forcing a sly grin on my face. “Probably won’t let go for a full five minutes,” I tease.
She chuckles softly. Hell yes, I got a laugh out of her. That’s what I needed to hear.
“How about we talk some more about the houses you saw with Chelsi? You never did give me her play-by-play of everything,” I say, leaning against the headboard in our bedroom. The space feels incredibly empty without her next to me.
Kate walks me through each of the homes she toured, their pros and cons, because of course, my girl made a spreadsheet for it. I’m not surprised she hasn’t found one she loves yet, considering how long she needs to process a big decision. And there’s been a lot on her plate lately.
After we end the call, a nagging sensation refuses to dissipate, lodging a rock in the pit of my stomach. I replay everything she said. Her facial expressions. What she might have been saying between the lines. All of it points back to one thing. The question I’m afraid to ask her—does she want to live this lifestyle with me?
Without a doubt, I know she loves me and wants to spend her life with me. But I can’t diminish the unjust impact my career has on her. It strips her of significant privacy and requires her to be constantly on the move. As much as I hate to admit it, I think she’s starting to see the real-life implications of being with me, and her rose-colored glasses are finally off, worrying me that she might not like the new future in front of her.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
jake
“What the hellis going on with you?” Jason asks after shooing everyone out of the studio. We’ve been stuck in this room for hours because I keep fucking up the lyrics to the songs—the onesIwrote. They’re all my words, and I can’t seem to get them to come out of me in a way that doesn’t sound like complete horseshit.
Pulling on the back of my neck, I pace around the room. Back and forth. Back and forth. Ignoring Jason’s question because I don’t want to admit the truth… I’m not in a great headspace when it comes to my relationship with Kate. The unease I had a few days ago has continued to gnaw at me, growing slightly every day. It doesn’t help that it’s been almost impossible for us to talk for more than a few minutes because I’m up all hours of the night recording and she has a normal job. It’s hilarious to think I joked about having phone sex at some point when I barely get to hear her voice for five minutes in a row.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“That’s a fucking lie. You’re never like this in the studio. Usually, you’re a complete professional, rarely requiring more than a handful of takes to lay down final tracks for a song,” Jasonsays matter-of-factly, crossing his arms and leaning against a wall. “Do you know how atrocious it has to get for the producers to call me down here in the middle of the night?”
I glance in his direction, realizing for the first time that he’s in a pair of athletic shorts and a T-shirt, not his usual suit. Did someone really get him out of bed for this? Isthathow bad things have gotten?
