“Me too, sweetheart. If you want to wait until we’re together, you can. There isn’t anything controlling when you have to do this.”
Technically, there is no timetable for making this call, but I know this open wound is a roadblock in the path of Jake and me getting our happily ever after, and I want it gone.
I squeeze my eyes shut, exhaling deeply before opening them again and looking at Jake’s adorable face on the screen. “I’m going to do it as soon as we’re done talking. No more waiting. I want this situation over with, one way or another.”
“That’s my girl,” he replies, beaming with pride. “We can talk after you’re done about how it went. Okay?”
“Yeah. I love you.”
“I love you, Kate,” he adds before ending the call.
It’s now or never.
I reach for the piece of paper with my dad’s number on it and type in the ten digits, my hand trembling. I force myself to hit the call button immediately after the last number and wait.
The phone rings and rings.
Unexplainable emotions hit me when the voicemail starts and I hear my dad’s voice for the first time in twenty-five years.
“Hi, you’ve reached Phil’s phone. Please leave your name, number, and a message. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.”
Sheer terror rolls through me because I didn’t plan what to say if I had to leave a voicemail. I’m tempted to end the call, but decide instead to say whatever comes to mind. A complete word-vomit of my thoughts.
“Hi, it’s Kate… Your daughter. It’s been a long time… Twenty-five years, actually. I’m not sure whether you want to talk to me or not, but I got your number and thought I’d reach out. So…if you want to talk to me, then give me a call back.” I pause for a moment as my chest shudders, blinking back tears. “If not…I understand and hope you have a great life. Bye.”
I drop the phone as soon as I end the call, letting the tears finally fall. As I sit on the couch crying, I feel proud of myself for contacting him and overwhelmed with growing anxiety about how he’ll respond. That’s when I remind myself that my happiness and self-worth aren’t tied to me having a relationship with my dad. Although I’d love to hear from him, itwon’tbreak me if he never responds. What I needed to do to start my healing journey was put myself out there. Prove to myself I could do the hard thing, and whatever happens with my dad from this point on is out of my control.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
kate
The endof Jake’s summer tour is finally here, and it couldn’t have come soon enough. Both of us are looking forward to having some normal weekends when we don’t have to do anything before his schedule gets packed again in preparation for his album launch in the new year.
I wrongly assumed he would have a couple of months to decompress, but it’s more like a few weeks until he’s marketing the first official single and music video, followed by a mini tour with select radio stations, all leading up to the actual launch. It never stops.
He never stops. His career is always demanding more and more of him, no matter how much he’s already given.
This weekend is also my first time on tour since the leggy blonde debacle. I might be pretending I’m fine on the outside, but I’m a ball of nerves on the inside. The drama has simmered down a bit on socials, but I’ve come to realize we’re always one picture or video away from being thrown back into the online diatribe.
Standing next to Anna on the side of the stage, I scan the crowd, taking in how many people are mesmerized by Jake. Hisvoice. His movements. His uncanny ability to draw you in and never let you go. My heart beats faster as the man I love does what he loves. There’s something magical about watching him perform, and I know I’ll never tire of it.
The crowd is extremely boisterous tonight, a combination of it being the last night of the tour and perfect weather, warm but not humid. Jake’s about halfway through his set when he pauses to talk to fans about the tour and his upcoming album, rather than going straight into his next song like normal.
“Thought I might change things up since it’s our last night and play you a song off my new album. My single drops in a few weeks. Anyone want to hear it?”
Everyone immediately goes wild, excited about being the first to hear something brand new. It doesn’t take long before a sea of phones is out to start recording whatever he’s about to sing.
“Did you know he was going to do this?” I ask Anna, surprised he didn’t say anything to me about it earlier.
“Nope,” she replies with a sly grin. “Verycurious about what is going to happen and how Jason will respond.” She’s clearly thrilled about the potential of this unplanned performance causing Jason some strife. “Wish I could see the look on his face.” She scans the audience, trying to locate Jason in a sea of people where he’s sitting with a group of VIPs.
Jake walks across the stage, headed in our direction. “Before I play it, I’d like to have someone come join me on stage. The woman responsible for every song on my new album.” He turns to look at me, making eye contact even with the bright lights shining on him. “The love of my life. Will you join me on stage, Kate?”
Holy fuck.
Did he seriously ask me to join him on stage in front of tens of thousands of people?
“Oh my God. You need to go out there, Kate. This is going to be all over socials,” Anna whispers.
