“It matters to me because you’re my friend, and I care about you,” I say once she comes to a stop near a bench. I take a seat beside her. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I was trying to find a way to stop it—”
“I don’t care what you weretryingto do. I care what you did. And what you did is get yourself close to us, to me and to my closest fucking friend in the world so you could kill him. Just like I said you would, just like I should have known you would do from the start.”
“Yes, you’re right. Is that what you want to hear?” I hold my hands up again, another surrender. “Yes, we planned to kill him. Yes, I got close to him so I could do so. But by the time you and I became friends, I’d already decided not to do it. I knew I couldn’t do it when I saved his life.”
I close my eyes to blink back tears. I had been so terrified for him even then, and it’s only gotten worse since. “Quinn, Ilovehim. I love you. Everything I’ve done since that night has been for the people that I love. That idiot in there that you think is hot is my brother. That bitch out on the battlefield is my sister. And they’re all I have. They’re the only family I have. I love them too. I was just trying to find a way that all of us could live. That’s all I wanted.”
“Some fucking family,” says Quinn.
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
Quinn sighs, stretching her neck and still avoiding eye contact with me. “The thing is, I know all of that. And I know that Ronan forgives you, and I know that he would have done the exact same thing in your position, but I wouldn’t have. I would have picked a fucking side. I would have known that you can’t have everything. Not in life, and not in war.” She turns to me, her voice going quiet. “I don’t blame you for what happened to me in there. I don’t blame you for what Adria did. But I do blame you for what’s happening now. You say you love Ronan. You trust him. And yet you still lied to him when he could have stopped all of this. And that’s the thing I just can’t forgive you for.”
“I can’t forgive myself for that either,” I say, swiping tears from my cheeks.
We sit in silence for a long time. As the last of the light fades from gold to red to blue, a fire-born servant comes around to light the torches. Quinn lights the one next to us to stop them from coming over.
“At least I still have my magic,” she says. “What you said in there, about feeling useless. I get it.”
I can’t imagine how she must feel right now. She is a fighter, a General, someone used to being in the center of the action. Even if she recovers, she likely won’t be able to stand by Ronan’s side on the battlefield.
And maybe for someone like my brother, the type of commander who stays as far from the front lines as possible, that would be alright, but I know it isn’t for her.
“Do you know if you’ll walk again?”
She shakes her head. “But then I didn’t think I could stand at all until tonight. Go find your brother for me, will you? If I have to listen to him talk for five more minutes, I’m pretty sure I’ll learn to fly just to get away from him.”
“That makes two of us.”
“Look, Sylvie,” says Quinn. She wheels in front of me to face me. “I don’t think we’ll ever be friends again, but I know you’re going to be in Ronan’s life for as long as you can stand it, and I’m not going anywhere either.”
I nod. On that much, we’re agreed.
“And as much as I’d love to fight with you until the end of time, I’m pretty sure if I do, he’ll eventually kick me the fuck out of his life becausegodsdamnis that man an absolute fool for you. I’ve never seen anything like it. He puts me to shame.”
Heat travels up my neck into my cheeks, settling there in a comforting warmth as I hear her words. I know he loves me, of course, but there’s just something about hearing the people he cares about say it that touches me deeply. They know him so well, and for them to talk about it this way must meanthat the way he feels about me is truly special, even for him, a man who seemingly has a capacity for near-infinite love and understanding.
“I will be civil to you for his sake,” says Quinn, holding out her hand to shake.
I take it, and then she pulls me towards her with surprising strength until her lips are next to my ear.
“But if youeverlie to him again, I’ll fucking kill you.”
She’ll have to fight Queen Claudia for the right, and certainly Taran as well, although he hasn’t seen the need to make the same threat.
But if I were placing bets on which of Ronan’s friends and family is most likely to kill me for betraying him, I’d bet on Quinn any day.
Ronan waits for me in the hallway outside the courtyard, having clearly been watching our entire exchange and reading our feelings.
I’m not mad at him for his version of eavesdropping. At least he could have saved me if she had decided to stab me in the throat.
“She’ll come around eventually,” says Ronan, leading me up the stairs to his chambers.
I’m not sure he’s right, but at least we’ve madesomeprogress.
Ronan stops at the top of the stairs before turning right to head to his chambers. If we turned left instead, we could reach the ones I had when we were staying in the palace, back when I was sharing a room with Adria.
“I didn’t want to presume that you wouldn’t want your own space. Or that you would feel safe in my chambers after what happened to you there.” He strokes my cheek, his eyes filled with regret. “We had to use the room you were in before for the court, but there are consort chambers you could use—”
