“I’m here.” I touch his cheek, mirroring his movements. He sighs and kisses my fingertips.
“I felt you dreaming. You were frightened. I almost woke you, but I didn’t want to make it worse.”
“It was strange,” I say, still feeling the same feeling of wrongness from before. “I was in a temple of some kind. The fields looked like—”
“Avaris,” he says, his eyes widening. “The temple. Like a temple of Vayla only—”
“Wrong somehow. Yes.” I sit up on my elbows, fear gripping my heart. “You had the same dream?”
“I guess? I thought I dreamt of Avaris because of the map. The one in the library; I noticed yesterday that the city wasn’t marked as ruined. Did you see the city at all?”
“No. Just the temple. I’ve never been to a temple of Vayla in Avaris, though. I didn’t know they had one.”
Avaris had been a Nithyrian settlement before the last war. When Ronan’s father scoured the Machair Plains, it had been rendered uninhabitable. But the city was small. To my memory,it only had one temple where all the gods were honored, and it was in the town, not up on the hillside.
“That’s because that temple has been ruined for centuries. I visited once with my father. There’s nothing left there.”
A chill crawls up my spine. “But I didn’t know it was there at all. How could I have dreamt it? How could we have had the same dream?”
“I don’t know. But I have an idea how we might find out. If you’re not busy today.”
I have no plans today at all, having been disallowed from going on the mission to destroy the Nithyrian food supplies.
“You’re still angry with me,” says Ronan. Damn him and his magic.
“I’m not angry.”
“Sylvie.”
He’s right. Of course he’s right; I can’t lie to him about how I feel. “I don’t want to be pushed to the side.”
“I’m not pushing you to the side. I’m not doubting you, and I don’t think you’re incapable. But you have to see what a disaster it would be if you were captured by Adria. If the plan failed or was a trap set by Seth, and Adria took you captive. We’d be right back where we were two days ago, only worse because you’d be with Adria.”
“But what if Vesper gets captured? Or Octavia?”
Ronan flips onto his back, sighing as he puts his hands behind his head. “Then I’ll try to get them back, of course, like I’ll try to get back as many prisoners of war as I can. But it’s not the same. You’re not the same.” He looks at me defiantly. “I won’t apologize for that. I care deeply for my people, but not the way I care for you.”
I feel him dig in his heels. He’s certain that he’s right about this. And maybe he is, but I want him to understand my perspective. “I appreciate you protecting me, but I’m worriedthat your fear for me might turn into control. I’ve spent so much of my life being told what to do, what I’m allowed to do, and what I’m not allowed to do. Being here has given me a chance to decide that for myself, and I’m scared that you’re going to take it away from me because you’re too afraid to lose me.”
He blinks, opening his mouth to speak and closing it again. I feel the sting of my words in his feelings. “You think I’d try to control you? Sylvie, I wouldn’t dream of it. I thought you agreed with me that it wasn’t a good idea for you to go.” He reaches for my hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were trying to tell me what you needed. I thought that if it mattered to you, you would have put up more of a fight. I’ll listen next time, I promise.”
“It’s alright.” I kiss the back of his hand. “You were right this time. But you can’t always be right.” I ignore the way his lips twitch into something like a smirk. He definitely thinks he’s always right. “As long as you’re willing to listen to me, to let me tell you what I want and need, that’s all I ask.”
“I can’t promise that I won’t be overprotective. Or that I won’t be terrified every time you put yourself in danger for my sake. But if I ever make you feel like you don’t have a choice again, slap me.”
“Why do I have a feeling that you might like that a little too much?” I say, my voice softening into a purr.
“Gods, you’re going to be the death of me, darling,” he mutters. “That look you’re giving me. That’s my ruin. If you ever feel like you need to take control back from me, look at me like that, and I’ll literally eat my own crown if you ask me to.”
“I’ll tell you what I want right now,” I whisper.
“Gods,pleasedo.”
I sit up and grab hold of my legs. “I want to be useful. Tell me what you need help with. Andnotin this bed. Honestly, I think I need a day to recover.”
“You’re not alone in that,” he says, gingerly adjusting himself. I’m pretty sure I nearly broke his cock last night. “Alright. I do have a mission for you, but it’s going to be dangerous, and I’d understand, given your history, if you don’t want to do it.”
“Go on.”
