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Rafael’s nostrils flared. ‘These are simply measures to ensure your safety.’
‘I’m not made of glass,’ Allegra burst out. ‘I’m not going to break.’
For a second Rafael’s face contorted, and then he looked away. ‘You don’t know that,’ he said quietly. ‘Anything could happen, Allegra.’ His voice went hoarse. ‘Anything.’
Allegra stared at him in confusion, her heart twisting at the look of bleak despair on his face. ‘Rafael...’ she asked softly. ‘What is it that you’re so afraid of?’
‘I’m not...’ he let out a shuddering breath, wiping his hand over his face ‘...losing you. Losing our child.’ He turned away, dropping his hand, the set of his shoulders resolute once more, that brief glimpse of raw vulnerability gone. ‘We came close to losing this baby, Allegra, or at least thinking we were going to lose it. Him. I don’t ever want to feel that again.’
She stared at him, wishing she understood more. Wishing she knew how to reach him. ‘You can’t control everything, you know,’ she said quietly. ‘You can’t prevent accidents from happening, or just life. I need to live, Rafael—’
‘You are living,’ he cut her off dismissively. ‘Enjoy the villa and all it has to offer. Lounge by the pool.’
‘I don’t want to spend every day lounging.’
His expression closed up. ‘I really do not know what you are complaining about.’ And with that he angled his body away from her, pulling a sheaf of papers towards him. So she was being dismissed, like some unruly servant. He wouldn’t even look at her any more. This was how Rafael dealt with people. He wasn’t overprotective, he was compulsively controlling. And it hurt to realise she was just a cog to him, something to move and manipulate accordingly. Stupidly it hurt, because she hadn’t wanted to let herself care. Yet here she was, caring. Hurting.
She stood there for a moment, watching him work, seeing the way he’d completely blanked her out. It was as if she no longer existed. His gaze didn’t flick to her once.
She felt the fury rise again, but with it something far worse. Despair. She couldn’t fight this. Arguing with Rafael, just trying to have a reasonable discussion with him, was like battering her head—her heart—against a brick wall. Because now that she was here, now that she’d come into his life and brought him into hers, she wanted more than this. And she had no idea how to get it.
Without a word she turned on a heel and left his study, slamming the door behind her. The loud thwack as it crashed against the doorframe was satisfying even though she knew the gesture was pointless and childish.
She walked downstairs, fury still pounding through her, along with the despair. She wrenched open the French doors to the terraced gardens, causing Maria to bustle in from the kitchen, her expression alarmed.
‘Signorina—’
‘I’m just going for a walk.’
Maria frowned. ‘Signor Vitali—’
‘I don’t care about Signor Vitali.’ Allegra cut her off, wishing it were true, and she walked out of the house.
CHAPTER TEN
FROM THE WINDOW of his study Rafael watched Allegra stride through the gardens, her entire body rigid with affront. He fought the urge to run after her, insist she return to the villa. Keep her safe. He couldn’t control everything, but he’d damned well try. The alternative was unthinkable.
His gaze narrowed as he saw Allegra make her way through the garden to the latticed gate in the high stone wall. He’d forbidden her from leaving the formal gardens, didn’t want her to navigate the steep and rugged mountain terrain surrounding the estate. Cursing under his breath, he saw Allegra wrench open the gate and then stride through the forest, swallowed up by the trees and the dark.
He waited an hour before he went out looking for her, just to show how reasonable he could be. A tense, endless hour when his mind raced with worst-case scenarios and he did his best to stave off the panic he felt skirting the edges of his mind, blurring rational thought. Memories danced like shadows in his mind, of his mother, his sister, his father. Their faces, their words, closed doors, shattered hope.
