“Kellan, Spade.” My voice came out on a choked rasp, with pain chasing every syllable.
“Shh,” Kellan soothed as my hazy vision came into focus. Spade nudged one of the nurses to the side in his haste to get closer.
Kellan’s black curls fell around his handsome face as he hovered over me, his expression twisted in concern as though he still didn’t think this was real. Well, neither did I. As the smoke filled the penthouse, my tenuous grip on my consciousness slipped away. I was sure those were my final moments, that the flames would devour my body, sending me to Hell right alongside Tommaso.
Spade pressed in closer, the familiar violent glint in his violet gaze absent, his mouth set in a hard line, like he was barely keeping his slippery grip on his sanity.
“Don’t crowd her,” the nurse said in exasperation. “And please don’t try to talk just yet, Ms. Bardot. The swelling has come down, which is why we were easing you off the sedation, but you’ll still experience some pain for a few days.”
She passed Kellan a cup of ice. “Let these melt in her mouth, and it should ease some of the discomfort. We’ll give you a few moments, but the doctor will need to examine her soon.”
“Thanks.” Kellan dipped his head in acknowledgment before his attention returned to me, his sable eyes scanning my form as though I’d somehow gotten another injury in the few seconds he’d been distracted.
A ragged exhale tore from his lips, his shoulders dipping in exhaustion as he gripped my hand in his. He gently tipped the cup to my mouth, letting one of the ice chips slip past them. The cold was a shock to the system, but I pushed past the initial discomfort and let the soothing water drip down my throat, momentarily easing some of the irritation.
I grimaced as I considered asking the hundreds of questions forming in my mind, debating if talking again would really be worth it. Kellan, as always, seemed to read my thoughts and slumped into the chair by my side. There was an open sketchbook and pencil strewn on the bedside table, like he hastily threw it down the moment I woke up. An oxygen cylinder and mask were beside him. Had he been hurt too?
“As soon as we got Merrick to Zane and the waiting medical team, I went back up to the penthouse for you.”
I sucked in a sharp breath before realizing what a horrible idea that was. Pain lanced down my windpipe, and I motioned for the ice chips, tipping another one into my mouth.
“The fire had already started by the time I got up there.” He squeezed his eyes shut as a pained expression twisted his handsome face, as though he was trying to block out the maelstrom of memories bombarding his mind. “Tommaso was dead, and you were crawling to the elevator, but you passed out just as I was coming to help you.”
Spade let out an animalistic snarl that drew my attention to him. His fists were clenched at his side as if he was physically restraining himself from launching at me and gathering me up in his arms to remind himself I was here, I was breathing.
“I got us out, but with the stab wound and the smoke inhalation, they kept you sedated for a few days to allow your body to heal. Otherwise there was a risk of your throat closing up from the inflammation.”
I pointed at him and the mask beside him with a scowl. I had to know he was okay, that he hadn’t gotten himself hurt by coming after me.
Kellan scowled and captured my free hand, leaning forward until his stern expression was the only thing I could see. “You’re seriously worried about me? You almost fucking died, Giana.”
His words rang through the air, as though the entire world had gone silent around us.
“Youtold us to leave.Youtold us you’d never forgive us if we didn’t.Youmade our choice for us.Youalmost sacrificed yourself again.”
I flinched. Every ‘you’ stabbed through my chest, slicing me to my core.
Kellan’s eyes darkened, his outrage and fear boiling to the surface. “How many times do we have to tell you that your life matters, you are loved, and if we lost you, our entire world would shatter around us? Do you think Merrick would ever forgive us if we lost you? Do you think we’d ever forgive ourselves?”
His questions came in such quick succession, I could only sit numbly and let the words burrow under my skin. My cheeks heated, and a flicker of indignation lit in my chest, rising to meet the fury blazing in Kellan’s eyes. But when I met Spade’s violet gaze, they didn’t spark in challenge. Instead, his features slackened, and his limbs trembled.
“You have the power to bring your enemies to their knees, but you also have the power to utterly destroy me, sugar.” Spade scrubbed a hand down his face, his eyes wide like he was trying to plead with me. “Leaving you there tore my heart from my chest. We almost lost you, Giana, and losing you would obliterate the tattered remains of my soul and my sanity.”
And then I understood. The bone-chilling terror that clanged through me when Merrick was shot was exactly what they were feeling when I asked them both to leave and to keep Merrick and Sophia safe for me.
I was doing it again. It was always my first choice to keep them safe; I’d been alone for so long that I’d just take on the burden myself. It’s why they had to talk me down from barging into the apartment by myself.
“I’m sorry,” I rasped out and quickly placed another ice chip in my mouth. The pain was lessening, but it was still an ever-present ache that worsened with every word I spoke.
“Giana.” Kellan’s rage melted away at the sound of my voice, and he slumped in his chair, clutching my hand as if it were a lifeline keeping him from drowning in the churning seas of despair.
“You’ll have to tackle me and drag me back if you don’t want me to go in there.” Merrick’s gruff tone vibrated from the other side of the door.
Merrick.
Pressure unfurled in my chest as I remembered to breathe. Kellan told me they got him out, and I heard him when thesedation wore off, but I knew the pounding of blood in my ears wouldn’t ease until I saw him with my own eyes.
Every second seemed to last an eternity as the handle twitched and the door opened a fraction at a time.
