I pull in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Honestly, I don’t know if that’s the best decision.”
“You just got done telling me about the money.”
“Right, but money isn’t everything. There will be an emotional toll I can’t put a price tag on. There will be a toll on our relationship, no matter how well we communicate or how often you fly out. It’s going to be hard on both of us. And finally, I’m going to have to deal with public perception. Yes, it’s been nineteen years. I’ve waited more than long enough, but the questions about replacing my band…my friends. Those will be hard on me. And I’m being honest when I say I don’t know that I’m up for it.”
She studies my face again, her eyes glued to mine. “I think you’ll be fine. You’d let management or whoever is in charge control the narrative, and you can say whatever you need to say whenever you’re ready.”
“I know.” I take another sip of coffee. “Believe it or not, I’m conflicted about all of it. The fame, the money, and the lack of privacy will be stressful. I’ll be making money but I’ll have a lot of expenses. New stage clothes. Updated equipment. And then hiring musicians to replace my friends. Okay, sure—we’re calling them hired help. But it’s the same damn thing, I’m simply not letting them officially become my band. I have to find someone to play bass. Drums. Guitar. To do the jobs my friends used to do. No matter how we frame it, it’s the same damn thing.”
She listens quietly as I continue to ramble.
“And what about us? We’re brand new and now we’re going to throw a wicked level of fuckery into the mix. What will that do to us?”
She looks up and gives me a soft, sweet smile. “We can’t control outside fuckery. All we can control is what we do. Both together and when we’re apart.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“Were you and Clara happy?” she asks.
It’s the first time she’s asked about Clara and I’m momentarily startled. But then I nod. “Yeah. We were.”
“Was she jealous? Did she demand you not go on tour? Like, how did she deal with it?”
“Clara and I met before the band got the record deal. She knew me as Ross the intern. I was working at a recording studio as a runner, learning the ropes. So she was there from the get-go, watching the band get together, get the record deal, go on tour.”
“What was her job?”
“She was in college. She wanted to be a teacher.”
“Did she drop out of school when you left to go on tour?”
“No. She was a senior. She wanted to graduate even if she never actually got a teaching job. But she wasn’t going to quit senior year.” I’ve never talked about Clara so casually before, and while it’s weird, it also feels good. Like the pain has finally started to abate—like I can breathe again when her name is mentioned.
“How old was she when she died?”
“Twenty-one.”
“If she could deal with a famous boyfriend and everything that goes with it at twenty-one, I should be able to deal with it at thirty-three.”
It takes a beat for her words to sink in, but as they do I smile.
“Are you saying you think I should do it?”
“I’m saying you shouldn’t say no because of me. I’m not going anywhere, whether you’re Ross Rockit or Ross Sanderson. It’s all the same to me.”
Chapter Seventeen
Wynter
Work is a bear the rest of the week. Taking Monday off left me with a ton to catch up on but the good news is that with Ross and Harley on tour, and no River to worry about, I don’t have anything to do except work. I stay late Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, not getting home until close to nine all three nights, so I can take care of everything and leave a little early on Friday.
My boss wasn’t happy I left early but when I showed her that everything was done, there wasn’t much she could say since I worked late for three days straight.
And now I’m back on a plane, heading for Seattle so I can meet up with Ross and the band. I’m a little nervous about flying back so soon but once they start heading east, it’ll be a lot more difficult. Not that they tour in a straight line in any direction. They’re going from Winnipeg to Des Moines to Houston and then they’ll make a detour to Wichita before turning around and hitting Denver.
They’re also not going to be touring by bus anymore. Once they leave Canada, they’ll be flying in a chartered jet. With the wives and kids tagging along, it’s just easier to get on a plane, so that’s what they’re going to do. I know Harley is relieved because keeping River entertained on a bus for hours on end is hard. Even though they’ve hired a nanny to help out.
Since there’s both River and Z and Presley’s little boy, Jeremy, sharing a nanny makes sense and will allow both couples to have alone time. Especially when the guys have a show. It’s too loud and chaotic for the kids so they can leave them at the hotel without having to worry.
