HARLEY: I know. Just sayin’.
WYNTER: Are you ever afraid that the whole thing with Tommy is going to blow up in your face? Like, it’s too good to be true?
HARLEY: Not really. I mean, anything can happen, but we already fucked it up once and we’re still crazy in love so we’re continuing to work on ourselves and our marriage. We have virtual visits with the counselor we met in the rehab center and he’s been taking the time to become a dad to River. Spending one-on-one time with him. We also try to do something once a week that has nothing to do with rock and roll, even if it’s going bowling or taking River to a carnival. Obviously, it depends on their schedule and where we are but relationships are hard work. Remember that.
WYNTER: I think that’s why I’m scared—because so far it’s been pretty easy.
HARLEY: It won’t always be. Trust me on that. Communication and honesty are tantamount.
WYNTER: I’ll remember. Thanks, sis.
HARLEY: Of course. Anyway, I’m going to enjoy the rest of the show. I’ll send you a few more pics. Love you!
WYNTER: Love you too!
I put the phone down and take my pizza out of the oven before turning on the TV. I’m tired but still pretty wired from my day, and my conversation with Harley has given me a lot to think about. I’m going to try to stay up long enough to talk to Ross tonight, but I’m not going to ask him about anything serious.
I just want to hear his voice, tell him about my day and ask about the show.
Like any normal couple.
Is that normal? Are we normal? I’m not even sure what normal means at this point and he probably doesn’t either.
But that’s okay.
Maybe we can figure it out together.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ross
Things have been busier than ever now that Wynter is gone. It’s almost like the band and the universe were giving me a bit of a break so I could spend time with her because now it’s like one crisis after another. An amp blowing a fuse during a show. Damage to Tommy’s drum set during transport. Kingston having a slight setback because he catches an actual cold, which then the rest of the band gets as well.
At this point, I’m the only healthy member of the band and I’m avoiding them all like the plague because if I go down, we’ll be in deep shit. At some point, something’s got to give because while I love performing, I can’t be on stage every night for two hours and then spend all day dealing with the technical and business side too. The money’s nice but I’m tired.
Not to mention sexually frustrated.
I’d forgotten how nice it is to go to bed and wake up with the same person. To make love without lingering worries about broken condoms or other issues. But it’s so much more than that. I’ve always liked her as a person. Always thought she was pretty. Now that we’re intimate, there’s a soft, vulnerable side of her that perfectly complements her strength and independence.
And I like it.
I loved Clara. I’ll never try to minimize the love I had for the woman I planned to spend my life with. But she’s been gone infinitely longer than we were together and the man I am now has fallen hard for Wynter.
Which is why I don’t want to start over at forty-two.
I want to play some music, that’s a given.
If I can be the band’s opening act during the European leg of the tour this summer—it’ll take that long to put together the musicians and rehearse the set list—that’s the option that gives me the best of both worlds.
I don’t need to be a star. To go back to being broke while the woman I love is out there working twelve-hour days to support us. Not because she can’t but because it’s not necessary simply so that I can pretend to go back in time. I will never be the Ross from Ross & the Rock-its again.
I’m Ross Rockit, yes.
I can play those songs, maybe even a few of my new ones, but in the end, I crave stability and love more than the spotlight.
Maybe I can record one or two of my new songs—on my own dime—and see what happens if I release a single. That’s something I can do. But I’m done chasing fame and fortune.
I want love.
