He smirks at my reaction. “Don’t misunderstand me. You’re still training tonight.”
I groan. “But I thought you said?—”
“I said self-defense,” he says with a lift of his brow. “You haven’t tried to tap into your magic recently, have you?”
The heat of embarrassment climbs my cheeks. “No,” I say softly, nearly a whisper. In truth, I haven’t tried it since we first left. I got discouraged when I couldn’t get it and ultimately stopped trying. I know that’s probably not the best choice butwithout the motivation to carry on, what else am I supposed to do? It’s so demoralizing that I can’t succeed.
“Exactly. I’m going to try to help you work through it.”
I huff out a breath. “A lot of good that did last time,” I mutter.
“We weren’t successful last time, but now we know why it didn’t work. If we can track down where the source of the block is, we can work to dismantle it and reopen that flow of magic.”
“You’re a lot more confident than me.”
He offers me a small smile. “Maybe a bit of positivity will help.”
“It’s weird coming from you,” I say, scrunching my nose in mock disgust.
He chuckles softly before gesturing for me to sit. I take up a spot on my bedroll, set up next to his. We sit cross-legged facing each other and it’s all I can do to not let myself get lost in his features and to instead focus on my breathing and tapping into my magic.
I close my eyes, breathing deeply to help clear my mind. But the more I think about trying to clear my mind, the more my thoughts jumble and take over.
A light tap on my nose has my eyes flying open, startled. I find Bastian assessing me thoughtfully.
“You need to relax,” he states matter-of-factly.
“Wow, what a wonderful idea. I didn’t even think of that,” I deadpan.
He lets out a resigned sigh at my attitude and there’s the slightest twinge of guilt for snapping at him like this. It’s not his fault I’m struggling. It’s not even his fault I’m in this situation to begin with. That honor belongs to my lovingaunt.
The warm weight of his hand settles over where one of mine rests on my knees. “The more you stress about it, the harder it will be. You need to let it go.”
“Letwhatgo?” I ask, annoyed.
“All of it. The anger, the nervousness, the tension, the stress… the fear.”
I bristle. “I’m not afraid.”
He cocks an eyebrow at me, one that saysare you sure about that?
“I’d be surprised if you weren’t afraid,” he says, voice earnest.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve just learned that you’re the heir to a throne you never even really knew existed. You have these powers that you’ve never even seen before. Not to mention the deceit by those closest to you that kept you from knowing those things,” he trails off, falling silent a moment. “It’s completely normal for you to be frightened. You could be afraid of the power—gods know I was when mine first started to manifest. You can even be afraid of what this new path means for you.” His face softens with understanding the more he speaks. “You’re almost definitely nervous to meet your parents, these Fae that you were always led to believe were dead. You want to live up to some false expectations you think they have of you, don’t you? I know I try to live up to the expectations of my parents…” he trails off as he lets out an almost pained chuckle. “Or at least I used to. Once I realized I could never meet their standards, I stopped trying. Now I live for myself, and it seems to be going well for me so far, wouldn’t you say?” He flashes me that signature smirk and taps his fingers against the back of my hand, drawing a hesitant smile out of me. “Feeling suitably relaxed yet?”
I roll my shoulders back a few times, testing the tension. “I think that may have helped,” I say, leaving thethank youhanging in the air between us. He offers a small nod as if he also feels the presence of those unsaid words.
“Close your eyes,” he says softly, his voice smooth and relaxing me further, all on its own. “Now, take a deep breath in.” I do. “Hold it.” Again, I obey. “Let those feelings gather. Anger,fear, anxiety, doubt. Now let them all flow out of you on the exhale.” I let out the breath and feel, as further tension releases from my body leaving my shoulders sagging a bit more than before. “Good. Now, before I had you trying to find that flow which now we know is blocked. Instead, I want you to try and feel for a hollowness. A blank, emptiness that feels unnatural. That should help guide you back towards the source and find the block. Once we find the block, we can try to work on dismantling it.”
I let out a soft breath. “Okay, sounds simple enough,” I say with a sarcastic laugh.
Keeping my eyes closed, I begin to search. I spend time focusing on each individual limb. Moving finger by finger looking for that hollowness he spoke of. Once I’ve gone through my fingers, to no avail, I work my way up into my hands, my forearms, up into my shoulders, until?—
There.
The closer I get to the center of my chest, the more it feels like something ismissing.
