THIRTY-THREE
NO REGRETS
RYAN
I standat the entrance to the field from the dugout and let out a deep breath, attempting to gather myself and my thoughts before I step back out onto the field.
I should’ve expected the interview. It was my first home game back since the concussion and the internet-breaking photos came out two weeks ago. And our first game of the playoffs.
Andof courseit’s with Sports24.
I’m already bracing myself, knowing they’re going to want to get a comment even though my agent and publicist continuously answer any and all inquiries on the topic with just that:no comment.
Once I feel like I can go out there and answer some questions without completely losing my cool, I take a step onto the field, letting muscle memory guide me to where the crew is set up. I can’t help the way my eyes flick to Isa’s typical spot and finding it vacant. My chest constricts at the sight,missing her.
I shake myself out of that train of thought. Boxing those emotions off in the back of my mind to deal with another time. Another day.
“Hey Jamie,” I greet the floor manager with less enthusiasm than usual. I should be putting on a show. Playing pretend. But I can’t for the life of me find the motivation to fake it.
Jamie turns to greet me, and I see the sympathy in his eyes. That’s… different? I mean I saw some sympathetic looks after the concussion, but it was also only that. A concussion. Not to say they aren’t terrible, but it wasn’t a season ending kind of injury. The looks I’m used to getting are a mix of concern and relief, but not sympathy. His strikes a different chord in me.
“How are you doing, bud?” he asks as if he knows I’m actually barely hanging on right now. Very much not doing well. And not because of my injury and missing out on a week of games as we head into the post-season.
“I’m alright,” I answer with a shrug, not really sure what he’s looking for in my answer.
“How’s Isa doing?” he asks, voice lowered to a near whisper. He coughs uncomfortably before speaking again. “I know the rules, but we sure do miss her around here.”
“Um.” I rub at the back of my neck anxiously. “She’s… I don’t actually know how she’s doing if I’m being completely honest,” I finally force out with a grimace.
His eyes widen, reading between the lines. “Oh, gosh. Sorry I brought her up… I only wanted to be sure she was doing okay after everything.”
I shake my head at him. “No, it’s fine. Really. It’s nice to know someone here is concerned about her enough to check in.” I run my hands down my thighs, trying to wipe off the growing sweat. “Alright, where do you want me?”
Jamie hustles me around, getting me fitted with an earpiece before slotting me into my position at the table with the reporters and handing me a mic.
“Ryan Fletcher!” Annie’s cheery voice cuts through the autopilot I’ve been functioning on. “First and foremost, let me say on behalf of the fans and our whole team here that we’re relieved your injuries weren’t more serious and that you’ve made a full recovery. Welcome back to the field! I know we’ve all missed having you playing as the Suns head into their run for the World Series right now.”
“Thanks, Annie. It’s good to be back,” I say with a forced smile.
“Now before we dive into our chat about the game, I have to ask. You know we don’t typically like to mention things that happen off the field, but…” She draws out the word, and I know where this is going. I expected it. And yet, it still causes the pain of my heartbreak to radiate through me. “We’ve seen the photos that came out following your injury. Is it true you’re involved with one of our very own? Was she the one you were changing walk-up songs for? You never did give us that exclusive,” she tacks on with a wink.
I grit my teeth to bite back my initial knee jerk response from breaking free. Instead, I clear my throat and give her the publicist approved answer that I plan to regurgitate anytime someone asks. “I appreciate that you have to ask. I have no comment, and I’d prefer not to discuss my personal life.” I give her a friendly smile that I hope comes across as less forced than the ones before.
Her eyes flick to Jamie before they come back to me, offering a soft smile and nod. “Of course. Now let’s talk about that game!” I let loose a relieved breath as she rattles off stats and the best plays, swiftly changing the subject.
That worked better than I could’ve expected to dodge the question. If only it would work on my thoughts to dodge bringing upher.
A guy can wish.
I collectmy cup from where the small red-headed barista set it down with a smile. I shoot her a small one in thanks, but I already know it doesn’t reach my eyes. Smiles are such hard work nowadays, which is insane for me because I used to throw them around like they were nothing.
I grab a seat at a table tucked into the far corner with my back facing the rest of the shop for some semblance of privacy. I didn’t want to leave my place at all, but when Cooper texted threatening to drag me out of my place for some fresh air, I didn’t really have a choice. So, here I am in this little coffee shop around the corner from his new apartment building for ‘a chat.’
He’s not wrong. I did need to get out of my place because at this rate, I’m only leaving for practice and games. Otherwise, I’m holing up in my apartment—an apartment that holds constant reminders of her—and absolutely, definitely not going back over the last few months with a fine-tooth comb for what I could’ve or should’ve done differently. Not doing that.
Okay, maybe I am doing that.
But I’m not coming up with anything good.
